Home

2AM Club Guide

Archive

Contact

Personals

Wildside Personals

Knappster: Don't cry for Geraldo; he'll be back

By George Knapp

Few working journalists are likely to shed tears about the ouster of Geraldo Rivera from Iraq. Fox News has already pulled strings at the Pentagon to put a more positive spin on Rivera's expulsion. By the time this column is printed, chances are we will be hearing about a new hush-hush assignment for Geraldo in a country other than Iraq. Perhaps Osama bin Laden will finally agree to go mano-a-mano with pistol-packin' Geraldo, a high-noon showdown on Main Street in Kabul, six guns blazing, winner take all.

If you've been following Geraldo's exploits since 9-11, you know that above scenario isn't much of a stretch. In fact, Mr. Rivera announced upon his arrival in Iraq that he intended to ride into Baghdad with the troops to personally seek out Saddam Hussein. That there town ain't big enough for both of them varmints, by gum.

I'm not sure the little diagram Geraldo drew in the dirt the other day was any more informative to the enemy than, say, all the charts and graphics that are being used by assorted ex-generals working in TV studios around the world. And Geraldo is probably right in saying that the situation is being exploited and exaggerated by his rivals at other networks. Still, it can be said that Mr. Rivera personifies everything that is loathsome about my chosen profession.

No matter where he is or what he is covering, it is always Geraldo who is the story. Never mind that bombs are falling and people are dying. What is happening to Geraldo? How close to the action did he get? Goodness sakes, is he okay? Oh, isn't he brave? Remember the great battle he described in Afghanistan during the anti-Taliban campaign, you know, the massacre that raged all around him? We learned later, of course, that he was 300 miles away when the battle occurred. And isn't it amazing that he was in Iraq all of, what, one day, and was already lecturing to the world about military strategy and battlefield tactics? General Rivera, reporting for duty. Deary me, we can only pray that brave boy doesn't get hurt. Geraldo and Audie Murphy--they don't make 'em like that anymore.

If you think Geraldo's rivals and critics are jealous of his position, you'd be right. This guy has a cake job, as sweet a gig as can possibly exist in journalism, important, high-profile work in the world's most troubled places. That is one heck of an assignment. But look what he has done with it? He's showbiz, a hot dog, a know-it-all who will spout off about anything, as long as it involves him as the central character. He represents everything that the critics hate about TV news, a triumph of style over substance, dramatic flair worthy of Hollywood, punctuated by an occasional nugget of news. He's a walking caricature of himself, a self-parody, a poster boy for the TV haters.

Don't fear for Geraldo. He's like the herpes virus, always coming back. We can all be certain that he will bounce back from this minor setback. In fact, it's likely this somehow will become a positive for him. Perhaps he's being ousted from Iraq as part of a gigantic ruse, meant to confuse the wily Saddam. Why, there's no way the coalition can win this thing without Geraldo, so Saddam may be lulled into a sense of false complacency. And just when the dictator's guard is down, Geraldo will come bursting through the swinging doors of the Baghdad Saloon, his spurs jingling, his pistolas blazing. Adios, hombre.

Omissions at the

school district

The budget problems facing the Clark County School District are no

secret. The district recently participated in a much-publicized survey of local taxpayers. The survey was printed in the R-J and asked locals to register their opinions about which school programs should be kept or cut. Results of the survey were brutally honest...almost.

What the public doesn't know is that not all budget items and programs were included in the survey. Angry district employees called Knappster to allege that a few "sacred cow" programs were purposely omitted from the list. Surprisingly, the district has admitted that some big-ticket items were left off.

For example, the district's controversial deal with the private Edison Schools company was somehow left off the list. CCSD cut a five-year, $30 million deal with Edison to manage seven low-performance schools. (Six of the seven remain on the list of our state's most troubled schools.) The public wasn't given the chance to voice an opinion on this hefty budget item.

Also omitted was the English Language Learner's program for high schools. An identical program for primary schools was on the list, but the survey takers weren't given a chance to sound off about the $3.4 million that is spent each year on the high school version of this program, which is considered near and dear to the hearts of high-ranking CCSD administrators.

A school district spokeswoman fessed up to these omissions, but insists it was an accident, not a nefarious plot. She said the Edison item probably should have been included, but that Edison is actually paying money to the district, so omitting this budget item would end up costing money rather than saving it. Besides, it was pointed out, CCSD has a contract with Edison, so this couldn't be chopped from the budget in any case. (District employees say other contractually bound items WERE included on the list, so why not this one?)

As the the English Language Learner program, the district says this omission really was an innocent mistake. The survey did include one line-item for the program but did not accurately describe the overall cost. Nothing sinister, we were told, just an oversight by a district employee. And we were assured that the district has no sacred cows.

Names and places

Is Bishop Gorman High School getting ready to move to Summerlin? We've received reliable information that the venerable school, long considered one of the best in town, is negotiating a possible move from its Maryland Parkway campus. School administrators have their eyes on a 40-acre parcel on the southern edge of Summerlin. The Catholic archdiocese is said to have assumed a leading role in the negotiations. ... The pending Las Vegas return of anchorman Dave Courvoisier has caused at least one anxious moment in the KLAS newsroom. (For disclosure purposes, KLAS is Knappster's full-time employer.) You see, years ago, when Courvo was a TV force at rival KVBC, this reporter made it an annual Christmas tradition to produce a festive holiday news featurette about the proliferation of fruitcakes at local specialty stores. The reports always concluded with a smart-ass remark about the Courvoisier Fruitcake. Mirth and competitive snickering inevitably followed. Dave took these potshots with good humor, but I'm wondering, now that he will be a news honcho at my place of employment, will he hold a grudge? Might he cast a covetous glance at, say, my prized but cluttered office space? Hey, Dave, I was just kidding. Welcome back. ... Another plug for the home team. Channel 8 anchorwoman Charlotte Evans celebrated her April Fools' birthday at a performance of the semi-racy Skintight at Harrah's, accompanied by her husband, Eric Sorenson, a photographer at KVVU. Reliable sources tell us Charlotte hit the big 2-5. (At least, I think they are reliable.)