Thursday, April 10, 2003
Copyright © Las Vegas Mercury

Mercury World Report

Bush accuses Iraq of defending itself

NEW YORK--In a bitterly worded speech before the U.N. Security Council, President Bush accused Iraq of defending itself and called the dying regime's attempts at self-preservation "the final outrage of a sadistic madman."

"Since the earliest hours of the invasion, Iraqi regulars have shot at American soldiers, in brazen defiance of the very treaties the United States has already denounced and abrogated," Bush said. "Each day of the conflict brings with it news of greater atrocities, from Iraqi soldiers ducking bullets to even hiding behind things."

Bush said those who doubt the intransigent evil of Hussein's regime need only witness the Republican Guards' "inhuman" methods. "Just yesterday, these barbarians fired at our bombers," Bush said. "They so despise freedom, they would fire at their own liberators. Only in the realm of madness can one find such evil."

Bono still waiting to be asked opinion on war

DUBLIN--As the war in Iraq moved into its fourth week, U2 lead singer Bono continued to wait to be asked his opinion on the issue, hoping a reporter would call and confirm the singer's relevance to world affairs.

"Certainly a press that's interested in my views on Third World debt, globalization and social injustice would be curious about my views on the war," Bono said as he waited by the phone. "I did get a call earlier, but it was a telemarketer for MCI who wasn't exactly eager to hear my views on this unjust war that undermines the legitimacy of the U.N. and will take the lives of untold thousands of innocents."

Bono added that he tried steering the conversation toward the war during a recent BBC interview, but said interviewer Michael Flanders just wanted to stick to the "altogether frivolous" topic of the rock band's upcoming album and tour.

1,304th Saddam portrait removed

BAGHDAD--U.S. Marines with the 15th Expeditionary Unit removed their 1,304th Saddam portrait Tuesday, marking progress toward the troop's goal of removing all 28,751 posters, murals and paintings of Iraq's dictator in Baghdad.

"This regime's days are numbered," said Pvt. Dan Werrington as he pried another poster from a wall with a putty knife while enemy fire whizzed around him. "Saddam can try to flee justice, but his posters sure can't."

Werrington added that they had about 27,000 more to take down before the Iraqi people were finally free from the grip of iconographic tyranny.

Del Taco bathroom keychain upgraded to wooden block

Del Taco Store #43 upgraded its bathroom keychain Monday, as store managers announced the greasy plastic slat that once anchored the key against being lost has been replaced by an even more unwieldy block of wood.

"We're always thinking of ways to improve the quality of our service, and this is just one," said swing shift supervisor Dale Martigan. "I mean, feel the weight of that thing. It's a sure bet that nobody's going to accidentally run off with that."

The new keychain formerly served as #43's doorstop, a fact that Martigan said also reflects the store's commitment to recycling.

He added that he's thinking about getting the front door's "No Shirt No Shoes No Service" sign laminated at Kinko's.