Thursday, April 10, 2003
Copyright © Las Vegas Mercury

A Mercury Handi-Chart

Fixing the state budget

In recent months, several state lawmakers have proposed taxes and economic initiatives to make up for Nevada's budget shortfall. Among the proposals:

¥ Seniors tapped via subtle, innovative money-extracting system called "bingo"

¥ Celine Dion dismantled, sold for parts

¥ Whack-A-Mole game installed on Erin Kenny's head

¥ $2 surcharge on loveless East Fremont handjobs

¥ Jon Ralston fined $1,000 every time he uses big-ass word we can't find in the dictionary

¥ Drunken Robin Leach deployed to neighborhoods to grope wives, vomit on carpets until family pays to make him leave

¥ Declaring Wal-Mart superstores foreign countries, charge import/export fees