Uptown Girls (PG-13, 93 min.) Wide release Grind (PG-13, 104 min.) Wide release

Thursday, August 14, 2003
Copyright © Las Vegas Mercury

Film: Girls just wanna have plot

Uptown Girls humor gets lost in preachy psychodrama

By Tammy McMahan

If you're not watching carefully, Uptown Girls' few moments of humor and poignancy will pass by without a second thought. That's perfectly understandable, since Remember the Titans director Boaz Yakin's latest is awash in the routine and schizophrenic with its mix of light comedy and psychodrama.

In fact, you might be tempted to ignore the film entirely if you see the movie poster featuring Brittany Murphy decked out in some bizarre "I won't grow up," "girly-girl" outfit and Dakota Fanning affecting a world-weary, "I don't suffer fools" air. Despite appearances, the plot, by Julia Dahl, Mo Ogrodnik and Lisa Davidowitz from a story by Allison Jacobs, isn't Freaky Friday redux, but "poor little rich girls discovering what's really important in life."

Molly Gunn (Murphy), New York party girl and daughter of a deceased rock star, loses all her money and must fend for herself. Her only recourse is taking a job as nanny to Ray Schleine (Fanning), a prickly, precocious child whose music-exec mom Roma (Heather Locklear) is too busy making record deals and bedding the new talent to get to know her own child. In an amazing twist, Molly and Ray bond. Duh.

But what about those scenes offering a measure of redemption? Molly and Ray's initial meeting is filled with delicious, tart-tongued humor, courtesy of Fanning. Later, Molly's lover (Jesse Spencer) maligns her aimless existence and Murphy effectively conveys, in tragicomic fashion, Molly's inability to function in the real world. And toward the end, Molly and Ray silently but powerfully express how lonely and angry they've been throughout their lives.

Aside from these three engaging vignettes, alas, Yakin's flick is an uninteresting, disjointed mix of pratfalls and preachiness.

Here comes the boobs

(Sing to the tune of P.O.D.'s "Boom.")

I never knew that a flick like Grind

Skatin' 'rounda plot, bringin' 2 Fast 2 Furious to mind

Could rock the demographics, from L.V. to Calabasas

Product placements, Dews, Sobes, tricked-out race mounts

But you know it though, 'cause you seen all it before

Witless, coarse and vulgar, no respect is in store

You maya heard the story--a road trip to tour

Tha fools shoulda stayed home, but they decided to bore

Here's a clue, 'cause it's new on the scene

Well, it's not bright! It's not bright!

Now you know, I see you readin' this thing

Well, it's not bright! It's not bright!

Boobs! Here comes the boobs!

Ready or not, here comes the boys from the Chi-Town

Boobs! Here comes the boobs!

Ready or not, here comes the boys from the Chi-Town

Vogel, Vieluf, Brody, Kern rep the cast, so whatcha you starin' at?

They all look 30, as high school buds, not pretty

The rest of this mess ain't film at it's best

Tom Green, Bobcat Goldthwaite and Jackass crew no less

Although the music stays true, some old school and new

It can't save this crap because it's too through

Fart jokes, stupid pro skater cameos, zero love chemistry

Whaddya expect from a lack of cinematic symmetry?

Well, it's not bright! It's not bright!

Now you know, I see you readin' this thing

Well, it's not bright! It's not bright!

Boobs! Here comes the boobs!

Ready or not, here comes the boys from the Chi-Town

Boobs! Here comes the boobs!

Ha, ha, how you like 'em now?

La Scala, is that all you got?

Not your best directorial shot.