Thursday, August 14, 2003
Copyright © Las Vegas Mercury

Swing away!

Lifestyles Convention unites wife-swappers, sex-watchers

By Newt Briggs

Call them anything you want--open-minded adults, lifestylers, the sexually enlightened--but, please, don't call them swingers. Not that there's anything wrong with swinging per se, it's just that the label "swingers" has gotten kind of a bad rap of late--as if, for example, a man in a committed relationship ought to feel ashamed about wanting to watch his wife make love to a bevy of other, similarly inclined gentlemen. Or what about the faithful house-frau who occasionally wants to indulge herself in the tangy flesh of the forbidden man-fruit? Is that some kind of a crime? Should she be made to parade around in some sort of--I don't know--scarlet letter?! Last time I looked, this was America not Afghanistan.

"There's definitely a certain hypocrisy in America today, especially among our political leaders," said Gary Booth, director of public relations for The Lifestyles Organization--the United States' largest swingers association and sponsor of last weekend's Lifestyles West Convention at the Aladdin Hotel-Casino. "One of the things our current administration likes to boast is that they favor less-intrusive government. I mean, who are they kidding? What could be more intrusive than someone trying to regulate the activities in your bedroom?

"Besides," added Booth, "not everyone who comes to this convention is a swinger. In fact, this is not a swinger's convention at all. It's meant to cater to a certain lifestyle, whether that be couples that like to watch X-rated movies in the privacy of their homes or couples who want to hook up and party and perhaps participate in consensual sexual activities. There's something for all of them here."

Among the events featured at the convention--which easily sold out the 1,100 hotel rooms set aside by the Aladdin--were the Mr. 2003 Best Buns Pageant, a clothing-optional couples' massage workshop (which climaxed in something called the "Car Wash") and informational seminars titled "Mr. and Mrs. Manners Gone Slutty: The Ins and Outs of Swinging Etiquette," "The Art of Entering a New Lover" and "Tie Me Up, Whip Me, Torture Me...Please!" A flock of vendors also lined up to hawk their love-wares--everything from a vibrating bathtub duck (christened the "I Rub My Duckie" personal massager) to the "Bungee Sexperience," a tangle of straps and foam purporting to offer "weightless sex."

Many convention-goers, though, had only one thing on their mind. Like Eric and Terry, a thirtysomething pair attending from Chicago: "I want to watch her get fucked by two guys," Eric said as Terry nodded her eager consent. "She's insatiable."

For others, the convention served as a sort of sexual initiation--a quick-and-dirty introduction into the wide world of swinging. According to Sam and Maggie, middle-aged visitors from Southern California, "We just came down to look around and see what kind of things go on here," said Sam. "We definitely don't want to end up in an orgy. First of all, I have a problem with that kind of proximity to another man's genitalia." Added Maggie: "I wouldn't even know what to wear to an orgy."

Whatever a couple's sexual agenda, there's more to the convention than getting blackout drunk and hustling anonymous tail--at least that's what Vegas-based porn star Christi Lake would have you believe. "It's kind of funny how people think this is all just a bunch of wife-swapping and senseless sex," said Lake, an eight-year Lifestyles devotee whose film credits include Nina Hartley's Guide to Swinging, Adventures of the Fart Bitches, My Horny Valentine and Fan Fuxxx 1-7. "It's not senseless by any means. It's actually quite meaningful because you develop friendships with these people. You don't just say, `Hey, my name's Joe, my name's Jane, let's go have some sex and never see each other again.' There's much more to it than that."

So how does a person go about arranging an evening of mutually-gratifying sintimacy? "You just start talking to people," Lake said. "Maybe you go down to the bar and have a drink--sort of loosen things up. When you feel comfortable with the people, you can ask, `What are your guidelines? Are you guys interested in going to a party or fooling around a bit?' And then they'll usually rebut with something like, `Well, we'd rather just watch you guys. That's how we dig it.' Or else they'll say, `We prefer to swap and go off on our own.' Maybe they even want to do the group thing. Whatever people's choices are, we respect them. All we ask for is the freedom to pursue our own pleasure."

It should be noted, however, this libertarian rhetoric goes only so far--especially when it comes to meddlesome journalists scribbling furiously on their notepads. After little more than an hour milling about the convention center and speaking with participants, I was confronted by security, accused of taking pictures (I wasn't carrying a camera) and--even after presenting evidence of press affiliation--escorted outside. According to Booth, who readmitted me a half-hour later, it was an overreaction inspired by events of previous days. "We've had some situations during the past couple nights where we've had the gaming board or vice coming in and looking for things. Of course, they haven't found anything, but we're being very cautious."

Still, it makes you wonder about the extent to which event attendees believe their own espoused principles. As Thomas Jefferson once wrote, "Our liberty cannot be guarded but by the freedom of the press, nor that be limited without danger of losing it." In other words, if you want to swing then swing away, but don't pretend you're striking a blow for freedom as you blatantly flaut the Bill of Rights. Now who's kidding themselves?