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Thursday, February 20, 2003
Copyright © Las Vegas Mercury

Basement Files: Next season's reality TV lineup

With the runaway success of shows like "Joe Millionaire" and "American Idol," more and more networks are packing their programming with so-called reality TV. And while many of the early shows demanded some element of skill or daring, critics charge that the latest wave of reality shows are little more than exercises in humiliating average Americans. Adding credence to their concerns are the network blurbs for next season's slate of reality shows.

Flight 454-Rendezvous with Doom

CBS

Thirty minutes into a routine flight from Los Angeles to Chicago, passengers are informed that both pilots are dead and critical components of the hydraulic system have failed. And while the auto-pilot will keep them aloft for two more hours, nothing can be done to land the Boeing 737 safely. They're certain to die! Will the disastrous news call forth humanity's best impulses-joining hands in prayer, comforting the frightened and calling loved ones with last words of devotion-or will it unleash a two-hour orgy of panic, drunkenness and sexual violence? There's no telling, because this is life-real, agonizing and unscripted-in the hours just before death. And when we tell them all it's just a hoax? Well, some people will be heroes. And some will be sorry they ever booked passage on...Flight 454.

11 1/2 Steps

(Original Title: The Lout Family)

ABC

The veil of secrecy obscuring one of America's most private societies has finally been pierced. With 14 hidden cameras, we take you inside an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in North Hollywood, Calif. What you hear, the stories of shame, decay and degradation, may shock you. But that's just the beginning. Because each week, viewers can vote on the member they'd most like to see become an Ex-Friend of Bill W. Once the votes are tabulated, we'll set in motion our plan for "Revokin' a Token," as a full jigger of Bailey's Irish Cream is introduced into the loser's coffee. Six years of hard work gone in an instant? Too bad, you Saturn-faced Rummie. Maybe you should have been more camera-friendly! Mondays at 9.

America's Biggest Dickhead

Fox

Program notes not available as of press time.

Extreme Resume Check

CBS

We've asked our crack team of head hunters to pore over the resumes of America's top 100 executives. They've spent months in search of embellishments, half-truths and whole-cloth fabrications. And now we're busting through the glass ceiling to ask: Would you care to change your story or shall we make an appointment for...the "Conference Room of Shame"? Mondays at 9.

Backstage Pass

NBC

This year, we're following the Backstreet Boys on their 17-city tour of America. And guarding the back door of every spectacular venue is Security Guy Bob. What will 13- and 14-year-old girls do to meet their dream dates? Anything, it seems. You won't believe your eyes as these sexy Lolitas try to tempt, flirt and bribe their way past the gruff and humorless Bob. But wait, Bob's not quite what he seems. He's not with the band. He's just some guy we found at a Pep Boys. Wait till you see the priceless reactions on the faces of these little temptresses when they discover they've sacrificed their virginity to an imposter...and one with the human papilloma virus. Must-see TV. Thursdays at 9.

Ulterior Motifs

Lifetime

Kevin and Darcy Lipson are best friends and neighbors to Mike and Kelly Danek. Nothing, it seems, can tear these four friends apart. But this fall, we're asking each couple to take turns redecorating the other's house. With just one weekend, minimal input from a respected interior decorator and $1,000, they've got to turn their neighbor's ugliest room into a showplace. Can they do it? And will the friendship survive their wildly differing tastes in décor? Well, probably. But there's a hitch. We're asking Kevin and Darcy to hide six kilos of white heroin, a treasure trove of kiddie porn and five counterfeit passports for Al Qaeda operatives inside the Danek's remodeled rec room. And then we're calling the FBI. The friendship may survive mauve walls, but will it survive truncheons, truth serum and genital electrodes? See for yourself, Mondays, after the Lifetime movie.

A Cult Following

WB

Yesterday, Jason Klimczak was an out-of-work actor living in a $900-a-month efficiency in Northridge. But today he's Krolthar, a 5,000-year-old spirit of great and oracular wisdom living in Malibu's opulent Carnelian Manor. Armed with only his dazzling good looks, a mild facility for the acoustic guitar and a seemingly encyclopedic knowledge of the nonexistent Kronos Manifesto, Jason's got 12 weeks to assemble a cult. That's two weeks to gain the unquestioning trust of 36 lost souls. Four weeks to drain their life savings. Nine weeks to bed their wives and daughters (but not their sons...this is still family TV). And 12 weeks to encourage their participation in an apocalyptic suicide pact. If Jason...we're sorry, Krolthar...can get all 36 Kronosians to kill themselves, he'll walk away with a cool $5 million. But if he can't...well, you'll just have to see. Tuesday nights at 8.

Into the Wild

Fox

This summer, 15 members of Dynacron Industries' upper management are headed for a six-week corporate retreat on remote Donales Island. There, by enduring privation and mastering the formidable obstacle course, they hope to improve communication skills, build better teamwork and create an atmosphere of trust. Or so they think. Because once there, these coddled corporate functionaries will be hunted like wild boar by some of America's top marksmen. You think the corporate world is dog-eat-dog? Welcome to the real jungle, my friend. Because when the sun goes down on Donales Island, so do your chances for survival. Set the treadmill for 10, Mr. Big, because this is a run for your life.