THE HOMEOWNER

Thursday, March 06, 2003
Copyright © Las Vegas Mercury

The Homeowner: The truth will set you free

By Mike Prevatt

Like most writers, I am a voracious reader. Give me an unlimited shopping spree at the local Borders, and I guarantee you that whatever I walk out with would never be enough. I'm always bingeing on text, whether it's about Radiohead, Salman Rushdie, the Segway or how diabolically evil Michael Savage is.

Over the past two or three years, about half the books I've bought or read are gay-themed. While I don't want to totally immerse or ghetto-ize myself into the gay experience, I came out at a fairly late age, and I guess there's some catching up to do. So I buy books on spiritual reconciliation, health precautions, cultural transgression and, most of all, the coming out experience.

The latest title I've devoured is A Face in the Crowd, a book sponsored by the Matthew Shepard Foundation. It's a photo-heavy coffee table book that attempts to cover a wide range of people within the gay community, to reveal its diversity and prove we're individuals, not stereotypes, with the hope it may open the minds and hearts of those who otherwise hold negative feelings toward anyone less than straight.

It also features several accounts of youth who came out to their parents, which run the gamut of outcomes. It was these portions where I was constantly reminded of my own situation. You see, I am out to my friends, co-workers, editors and, well, the city of Las Vegas. But I remain hushed to my family, especially my parents (to my knowledge, they don't read the Mercury). This is without question the biggest concern of my outing, as it is the one hurdle I've yet to clear.

Our family--which includes my still-married parents, and my younger sister and brother--has what you might consider a strange dynamic. My presence alone makes things complex. I am, for better or worse, the weirdo among the five of us--if not an anomaly. I'm the fiercely independent one who moved out when he was 18. I am the clan's sole Democrat (or leftist voter) and four-year university graduate. I'd be the last one of them who would ever be caught in a Catholic institution, unless someone got married or died. Everyone has practical, systematic, regular jobs--Dad's an engineer, Mom works for the school system, my sister does something with mortgages and my brother tells the mechanic what's wrong with my truck and how much the repair will cost--except me. I make a living writing about punk bands, French language films and sodomites.

The four of them seek to be regular members of society, operating within the mainstream, living mostly as homebodies in the 'burbs. I tend to reject social norms and seek out fringe elements, spending most of my day in the busiest and liveliest parts of the city. And yet, I can't help but think, with respect to the 'rents, my eccentricity (and that's overstating things a bit) might not excuse my homeowner status.

Truth be told, I don't care if someone has a problem with my sexuality. Well, I do, in that no one should harbor resentment toward another person just because they're queer. But I won't let someone else's opinion affect my livelihood. And if my parents rejected me because I'm gay, I'd be inclined to say, "Your loss," and storm off for good. I've heard some pretty discouraging things come from their mouths, and I won't put up with intolerance or double standards much longer.

For their reaction to my impending disclosure to sit on my shoulders every day is to admit I actually care what they think, and that I shouldn't be preparing some dramatic disassociation. I'm not as affectionate with my mom as I was when I was little, and my dad and I rarely see eye to eye on anything, but we're mostly a civil trio--which was definitely not the case when I was a teenager and they were getting their first taste of adolescent angst.

I've entertained the possibility that I don't need to tell them. Perhaps they've figured it out (though I suspect Mom's got the denial thing going on). Perhaps if they're going to react with hostility, they don't deserve the confirmation. However, that just breeds deception, something I'm not inclined toward nor very good at. And once I score a boyfriend/partner, that's going to be pretty tough to hide. As it is, I'm tired of insinuations that I need to meet people (re: girls), as I'm the only offspring to not bring a significant other over to the house. How do you work out Thanksgiving dinner? Say my partner and I decide to have a commitment ceremony--is it kosher to not invite my own blood? Of course not, and herein lies my dilemma.

So, the plan is to score my own digs, and tell them soon after. But until then, I remain tense under their roof, as ready to explode as I was before I creaked open the closet door. I'm liberated by the fact that I'm just another face in the crowd. But I'm also haunted that I can't truly be free and open until I reveal my life to those who gave it to me.

The Homeowner appears biweekly. Send your comments, questions and nude pics (especially if you look like Matt Skiba) to oughtabeinporn@yahoo.com.