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A/E Highlights:

Is this legal?

It must be. It's going on right under Mayor Oscar Goodman's prodigious nose, and we know he wouldn't associate with criminal activities. Ipso facto (which we think is either a legal term or something a magician says) the Chicks for Charity Bachelorette Auction benefiting First Friday must be too legit to quit. We love First Friday, the monthly arts and culture event in the downtown arts district. In fact, we would have written about it even if its organizers hadn't threatened to dress us in drag and auction us off. Scout's honor. The event takes place at the Icehouse Lounge at 650 S. Main St. tonight from 6-10. Tickets are $30 at the door and that includes an open bar and hors d'oeuvres. Info: 382-0094.

Making her daddy proud

Although she doesn't have the street cred of some of her fellow rap artists, Missy Elliot has nonetheless proved she has the musical chops to get the job done. While we suspect she gets a lot of ribbing from her fellow rap stars about her rich, suburban upbringing in the Hollywood Hills mansion of her father, actor Sam Elliot, she...huh? Oh, scratch all that. Apparently we've been duped by the Internet again. Missy Elliot plays at the Palms on Tuesday at 8 p.m. Tickets are $35 to $75. Info: 474-4000.

Big lips, bigger tongue tour

Cue the nitro-burning funny-car-style announcer. Steven Tyler. The lips that launched a thousand groupies. Gene Simmons. Master of the mutant tongue and a man with a photo of nearly all the thousands of woman he's done. Two bands, over 12 pounds of mutant oversized pink bits. Enough testosterone to run all the magic finger vibra-beds west of the Mississippi. Two nights only. Be there. Aerosmith and KISS perform at the MGM Grand Garden Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m. Tickets are $60-$200. Info: 474-4000.

Take that, mucus membrane!

There's hardly anything we jaded bastards enjoy more than watching people abuse themselves for fun and profit. That's why you'll find us down at the Huntridge Tavern every Wednesday for "Truth or Dare" night. If you prefer the stench of burning flesh to the stench of old bar, check out local freak Captain Howdy, performing at two venues this week. The act includes skewers driven through the body, nails driven into the skull and giant flames leaping into the night. Hey, Captain, give us a call in 10 years when you have to explain all those weird chronic conditions you're giving yourself to your HMO. We love a good laugh. You can check out the show at Cirque du Demone at Decatur and Oakey in the parking lot of the Fantastic Indoor Swap Meet on Oct. 26, 28 and 30. Info: 339-5522. Or you can see him on Oct. 24, 25 and 29 at the Asylum of Terror at Jones Boulevard and U.S. 95 in the Smith's parking lot. Info: 631-6682.