Thursday, October 23, 2003
Copyright © Las Vegas Mercury

How to be funny

Words of wisdom from the 'Mystery Science Theater 3000' guys

By Newt Briggs

Anyone who's ever tried to crack wise with a tired public transportation official or been confronted with a room of hungry senior citizens knows it's not easy to make people laugh. Sure, there are things that are usually good for a giggle--gym-teacher shorts, references to the Muppet band and anything that causes a group of people to be temporarily blinded--but no apparent ties seem to link these varied zingers together.

On the other hand, if chaos theory and fractal geometry are to be believed, there must be a set of guiding principles that governs the social distribution of laughter. Suffering from a critical lack of uproariousness ourselves, we turned to Kevin Murphy and Mike Nelson--better known as the brains behind cable's "Mystery Science Theater 3000"--who obviously know as well as anyone how to manipulate a guffaw out of an audience.

After all, Murphy and Nelson have not only parlayed their levity into a decade-long run on the Sci-Fi Channel, but also into a series of generous book deals. For Murphy, this has meant the ability to see a movie every day--a modern-day Greek tragedy he chronicles in A Year at the Movies: One Man's Filmgoing Odyssey. And for Nelson, it's allowed for the composition of Death Rat!--a novel that orbits around the feigned existence of a six-foot, man-eating, capybara-like rodent. Surely these two purveyors of merriment must have some insight into what makes people laugh. Here follows their deductions (each provided in an easy-to-use rule format).

Rule 1: Whenever possible, reference obscure cultural artifacts. Allusions to long-forgotten TV shows such as "HR Pufnstuf," "Cop Rock" and "Ben Vereen...Comin' at Ya" are always funny. Ditto for movies (Anthony Michael Hall's A Gnome Named Gnorm), records (Leonard Nimoy's Highly Illogical), superheroes (Black Goliath) and soft drinks (Tab Clear).

"These are what we used to call `psychic lawn darts' at Mystery Science Theater," Murphy says. "Everyone carries them around in their head, and any time you can tap into one of these things, it's as if you're reading their minds. Like maybe they thought they were the only ones who remembered the fish spinoff of 'Barney Miller.' As it turns out, a whole hell of a lot of us do."

Rule 2: Nothing inspires hilarity like bygone fashions. Acid-wash jeans, moon boots and Zubaz pants seem to demand a comic reckoning. And there's simply no accounting for the persistent status of that reprehensible lip growth known as the pencil-thin moustache.

"Personally, I've never been a fan of men wearing any kind of athletic tights or hosiery out in public," says Nelson, whose essay "The Sorry State of Men's Fashion" tackled the horror of spandex. "It just seems very shameful to me. I mean, if you're wearing some kind of tights, put a pair of shorts over them. I assure you, you'll look no less of an ass. And I won't have to be confronted by your shrink-wrapped batch."

Rule 3: From time to time, crack open a thesaurus. Old-fashioned words like poppycock, monkeyshines and ballyhoo can polish an otherwise bland statement like a fine carnuba wax.

"When judiciously applied, a clever word or phrase can be quite funny," says Murphy. "Of course, if you opt to speak solely in the nomenclature of science fiction, people are going to beat you up. On the other hand, if you sprinkle in a few antiquated British words from, say, the mid-18th century--or even some well-timed references to the Jackson administration--you'll definitely score some laughter out of those David Halberstam types."

Rule 4: Don't kick a man when he's down. While it may be tempting to mock celebrities whose careers have been derailed by substance abuse, perverse sexual behavior and/or alleged felonies, you'll probably end up lamenting your cruelty.

"I have to admit, we did a few things on 'Mystery Science Theater' that I regret a little bit," says Nelson. "For example, we did a couple of movies that starred Tommy Kirk, a Disney star who--like many child actors--just kind of outgrew his roles. He went on to be a part of some disgraceful public incident involving a swimming pool--the details of which I'm a little hazy on--and his career just fizzled. So we occasionally made fun of him, but when I look back, I realize that I'd rather not participate in the glee of people's lives going terribly wrong." (As a side note, Kirk went on to open a successful carpet-cleaning business in Southern California. His most recent film, Education of the Vampire, was released in 2001.)

Rule 5: Feel free to kick a man when he's up. Conversely, anyone currently riding the fickle wave of public esteem is fair game. In Death Rat!, Nelson takes umbrage at fellow Minnesotans Jesse Ventura (Bart Herzog), Prince (King Leo) and author and NPR personality Garrison Keillor (Gus Bromstad), whom Nelson characterizes as a narcissistic bully obsessed with the unsettling enormity of his globular head. As for Murphy, he too has a personal punching bag--the ubiquitous Rob Schneider.

"He's extremely unpleasant to look at," Murphy says. "And yet even though he is such a disagreeable-looking little man, he insists on removing his clothes in all of his films. As far as I'm concerned, he's just bringing that ridicule on himself."

There. I feel funnier already. And one can only imagine the torrent of Lee Marvin, desert camouflage and Parcheesi jokes that will come as a consequence of these observations. Still, there must be some master rule, some grand bit of comic wisdom that transcends all the paltry tenets heretofore discussed.

"Just be yourself," says Murphy. "And never, ever follow any rules about how to be funny."