Word play

Advertising's most effective catchphrases

"Finger lickin' good," "Reach out and touch someone," "The quicker picker-upper"--there may be nothing in this world more memorable than a good advertising slogan. Honestly, is there anyone left in the civilized world that doesn't know "R-O-L-A-I-D-S" spells relief or that when you brush with Pepsodent, "you'll wonder where the yellow went"? The following represents the Mercury's attempt to catalog the best of these slogans. For help, we enlisted the powerful brains of Randy Snow and Jeff Candido--the creative backbone behind the commercial juggernaut, "What happens here, stays here." To be fair, we excluded their slogan from consideration, although both seem to think it deserved serious consideration.

DeBeers Diamonds, "Diamonds are forever." The DeBeers mantra is not very flashy but it creates the illusion of permanence, which is what most people like to think about their relationships (even though a little more than four out of 10 marriages end in divorce and three out of 10 diamond rings end up at the pawn shop or the bottom of a waterway).

Wendy's, "Where's the beef?" Sure, Clara Pellar had regional appeal, but the beef-hungry old biddy from the Wendy's commercials didn't really become a national celebrity until Walter Mondale asked Gary Hart, "Where's the beef?" during the 1984 presidential primaries. After that, it was three months of whirlwind celebrity for the 84-year-old Pellar, who only plummeted to Earth after she appeared in a Prego Plus Spaghetti Sauce commercial saying, "I found it!" Still, according to Snow, it was probably all for the best: "The half-life of that was destined to be very bright and very brief."

Wheaties, "Breakfast of Champions." Before it was an acclaimed novel in which Kurt Vonnegut included a self-portrait of his own anus, "Breakfast of Champions" was the goosebump-inspiring rallying cry for one of history's blandest cereals. Says Candido: "All I can think of when I hear that one is John Belushi's `Little Chocolate Donuts' spoof on `SNL.'"

Oscar Meyer, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer wiener." Although it's really more of a jingle than a tagline, Oscar Meyer gets the nod simply for prompting an entire fleet of hot dog cars (and inadvertently giving free rein to all sorts of lowbrow sexual innuendos).

Miller Lite, "Tastes great, less filling." The question that most people miss when confronted with the Miller Lite maxim is, "Tastes great compared to what?" It's no doubt better than Las Vegas tap water, but is it better than a frosty Yoo-Hoo on a lazy summer evening? Clearly, it's a matter of perspective. But as Candido observes, the Miller Lite slogan takes advantage of one of advertising's biggest secrets: "Two half lies equal one complete truth."

Nike, "Just do it." This is it--the slogan to end all slogans. In fact, this is the only exception to Snow's rule that "people tend to ascribe more power to advertising than it really has." "Just do it" is the ultimate goal of all marketers: advertising as product.

M&M/Mars, "Melts in your mouth, not in your hands." M&M tried to cutesy up its advertising with the computer-generated candy men, but nothing has ever been more effective--or more potentially filthy--than the pioneering motto. "Scandalous," says Candido. "How did they get away with that?"

National Dairy Promotion Board, "Got milk?" These two simple words have perpetrated a brainwashing campaign worthy of Chairman Mao, convincing Americans that even though one glass of milk can contain as many as 50 million pus--that's right, pus--cells, it's still good for you. Now, the influence of "Got milk?" can be seen everywhere from Disney's Home on the Range to the proliferation of "Got MILF?" T-shirts among Las Vegas' young single mothers.