Off the charts: Morrissey

The importance of being maudlin

By Newt Briggs

To develop a reasonably informed understanding of Steven Patrick Morrissey (a.k.a. Morrissey, a.k.a. Moz), a person need know only five facts: (1) His mother was a librarian, (2) he describes his teenage years as being "sealed in a vat of introspection," (3) as a child, he was profoundly affected by a series of grisly sex crimes called the Moor Murders, (4) he inherited a passion for chrysanthemums from British dandy and wordsmith Oscar Wilde and (5) he sincerely believes he was visited by extraterrestrials in 1980.

The rest, as the Brits might say, is rubbish--although Morrissey did spit out at least one enlightening personal insight to rock journalist Nick Kent: "The key incident for me was that I never had any friends. And I realized that in order to have friends and impress people, I had to do something extraordinary." If by this he meant becoming a singular pop icon on par with John Lennon and Kurt Cobain, then he succeeded (often in spite of himself).

THIS CHARMING MAN: After hearing Morrissey's first and most famous band--the Smiths--on the radio, Sting offered the upstart quartet a spot on the Police's upcoming world tour. Hearing the offer, Smiths guitarist and co-songwriter Johnny Marr responded, "We're a hundred times more important than the Police will ever be."

THE QUEEN IS DEAD: Some Morrissey fanatics believe the visionary frontman foretold of Princess Diana's 1997 death with the Smiths' 1986 album The Queen Is Dead. The evidence is dicey at best, but on fan websites proponents of the theory point to a series of meager coincidences like, "For the cover of [The Queen Is Dead], Morrissey chose a photo of a French man named Alain. The first public announcement of Princess Diana's death was made by a French man named Alain." They also point to the fact that when Morrissey was asked in January 1998 if he was surprised by Diana's death, the fey superstar responded, "It was predictable. It was expected."

USED TO BE A SWEET BOY: Although Morrissey's lyrics often hinted at ethnocentrism, he really got himself into a pickle in 1992 when he famously stated, "I don't think black people and white people will ever really get on. Is that a terrible thing to say?" Adding fuel to the fire, he went on to play a show with Madness, where he draped himself in a Union Jack flag (widely considered a symbol of empire and fascism by modern Brits). If the gesture was intended as a statement of solidarity with the National Front, it apparently backfired when the skinheads in attendance pelted Morrissey with coins.

THE LAST OF THE FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL PLAYBOYS: Although both have been hailed as prophets of contemporary melancholy and alienation, Morrissey and Cure frontman Robert Smith have never gotten along all that well. In fact, Morrissey once told New Music Express that the Cure represented "a new dimension in crap."

SUEDEHEAD: Apparently as disenchanted with Morrissey as Morrissey was with him, Robert Smith fired back, "If Morrissey says not to eat meat, then I'm going to eat meat; that's how much I hate Morrissey."

MEAT IS MURDER: In 1999, Morrissey--a longtime vegetarian--backed out of a German show that he discovered was scheduled for a venue that had been converted from a slaughterhouse. This year, Morrissey took his pro-animal activism to a new level, brandishing a sign in a photo shoot for Index magazine that read, "We hate Iams." The reference was to the popular pet-food manufacturer, which PETA claims engages in "cruel and deadly" experiments on dogs and cats.

I KNOW IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN SOMEDAY: Morrissey to Vox magazine, November 1990: "I know I've reached the stage where other artists would bleach their hair or buy a fancy costume, but inexcusably, I can only be me, which is a full-time occupation and causes terrible backaches. But there's a famous quote in [Thomas] Hardy's Far from the Madding Crowd where Bathsheba Everdene says, `I shall be breakfasted before you are afield. In short I shall astonish you all.' It has no relevance, of course, but I honestly believe that once they've raked away all the nonsense, I'll still be here."