Off the charts: Seal

Rock scar, errr, star

By Newt Briggs

People say some crazy-ass shit about rock stars. Case in point is Seal, whose prominent facial scarring has inspired the kind of irrational rumor-mongering usually reserved for speculation about fake boobs and sexual trysts. Most frequently, the scars, which arc across Seal's cheeks, have been attributed to ritual scarification--a fact that can be at least partially attributed to Seal's Afro-Caribbean heritage. Other outlandish theories have suggested that Seal was abducted by aliens, that he was bitten by a seal or while wrestling a wild boar (again, a tribal ritual) and that he was brutally beaten while wearing glasses (which subsequently cut into his cheeks).

The truth, however, is far less titillating. As a child, Seal was stricken with discoid lupus--a disorder that causes the body's immune system to attack the skin. The condition eventually went into remission, but the scars remained. Still, neither the marks nor the accompanying hair loss could prevent him from ascending the mainstream charts--first on Adamski's embryonic dance single "Killer" and then on the electro-R&B crossover "Crazy." In fact, Seal may have gotten his worst scar from the single "Kiss from a Rose," which won an armful of Grammys in 1996 but did so at the cost of association with Batman Forever--the ham-fisted Batman vehicle that sent the popular franchise spiraling down toward the Schwarzenegger-infested depths of 1997's Batman and Robin.

SEAL OF DISAPPROVAL: According to a straw poll at AmIAnnoying.com, about 60 percent of online pollsters find Seal annoying. This figure represents a sharp increase from 2001, when just more than 50 percent of voters found him irritating. By comparison, 51 percent of voters are bothered by National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice and only 43 percent are annoyed by "Weird" Al Yankovic. Among the most frequently cited reasons for Seal's ill repute: He goes by a single name, he is a vegetarian and he has four self-titled albums. The character trait most frequently cited in Seal's defense: He is left-handed. Neither "Kiss from a Rose" nor Seal's cover of Steve Miller's "Fly Like an Eagle" for the movie Space Jam are referenced in the poll.

REGARDING SEALHENRY: Before blowing up on London's club scene, Seal, who has a degree in architecture, worked a number of low-rent jobs, including flipping burgers at McDonald's, posting advertisements for prostitutes in telephone booths and designing leather pants. Of the three, the escort gig paid the best, but it was the only one that was accompanied by the threat of arrest--a possibility that Seal has described as an "occupational hazard."

SCAR POWER: Known for his high-profile liaisons with supermodels and socialites such as Tyra Banks and Tamara Beckwith, Seal's prolific sex life has been chronicled in gossip rags on both sides of the Atlantic. Still, he was not the first entertainment industry Don Juan to overcome a bout with lupus. That distinction apparently belongs to portly TV newsman Charles Kuralt, who won three Peabody awards, 10 Emmys and a Broadcaster of the Year award during his four decades with CBS. After Kuralt passed away in 1997, it was revealed that he was living a double life, keeping a mistress and raising a second family in Montana. Although Kuralt often spent weeks vacationing alone at his Montana "fishing cabin," his wife denied any knowledge of the surreptitious affair.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: After pregnant supermodel Heidi Klum was dumped by 54-year-old Italian race car tycoon Flavio Briatore in December, Seal scooped up the needy mom-to-be, allegedly inviting her to move into his Hollywood Hills estate. After that, the pair was repeatedly spotted sucking face in public (including at least one sighting by the New York Post). Recently, though, the German magazine Die Aktuelle reported that Klum and Briatore never broke up and that the pair "faked their breakup to mislead the media and amuse themselves while waiting for the birth of their daughter." According to the article, Seal participated in the ruse because it filled him with "devilish delight"--apparently a sensation superior to that of making sweet, sweet love to the Victoria's Secret fashion plate.

SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED: Seal on his U.K. fans to the Independent, September 2003: "There were signs in England that the only way for me was down. The media turned against me. I was given a hard time because my outlook wasn't one of pure debauchery. I was a sensitive male and I was singing about spirituality; I didn't choose the loutish Oasis approach to my profession. Britpop was just building up at the time and my attitude somehow counted against me."