Thursday, April 29, 2004
Copyright © Las Vegas Mercury

A walk to remember

Even if you're not a nature freak, these 10 hikes will astound you

By Roger Naylor

With great fanfare, McDonald's recently launched its new "Go Active" campaign. Beginning May 6, the fast food behemoth will offer "Adult Happy Meals" featuring salad, bottled water, a pedometer and a pamphlet touting the benefits of walking.

So it comes to this. When even the corporate greedmongers at Mickey D's are, like, "Dude, hoist that lardsack you call an ass off the couch and go for a walk," maybe it's time to take the hint. Better yet, hit the trails. Go for an old-school hike.

Recreational hiking dates to the 1960s, when hippies went searching for secluded spots where they could fire up the bong. Hiking died out during the '80s because parachute pants were disconcertingly flappy when exposed to the elements. But it's back with a vengeance, as everyone who can't afford a gastric bypass struggles to shed excessive poundage.

Here's a primer of 10 jaw-dropping, breath-stealing hikes to get you started. Some local, some a half-day's drive away. A few are easy but others are treacherous. Not every outing ends with someone sawing off their arm, but this is wild country. Be prepared.

Study maps and consult with park rangers. Wear appropriate footwear. Take a first aid kit. Carry plenty of water, a gallon per day. And yes, take the cell phone. Just don't be gabbing all loud and smarmy, like you're finalizing a deal with Miramax, you self-congratulatory prick. Someone, quite possibly me, will come along and smack you in the back of the head.

CALICO HILLS

Where: Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area.

Getting there: Take Charleston Boulevard west to the entrance.

Rating: Easy.

Yeah, yeah, the place is overrun. On weekends the scenic drive looks like Sahara at rush hour. But you know what? It's still a dazzling, soul-waking piece of work. How many other burgs have a back yard of sculpted Aztec sandstone? If Red Rock Canyon were in Utah, they'd crap their Mormon drawers.

It's also a perfect place for the novice to get their hike on. See how your boots feel, how you handle the heat. Identify landmarks. Scan for wildlife. Hey, look at you; you're a hiker!

The trail runs along the base of Calico Hills and can be accessed from either of the two Calico parking areas or Sandstone Quarry.

After the hike: Try a little bouldering on this sweet-ass rock.

GRIFFITH PEAK

Where: Spring Mountains National Recreation Area. Trailhead is at the end of Harris Springs Road.

Getting there: North on U.S. 95 to State Route 157. Left on 157, then left on Harris Springs Road. Drive three miles, then turn right at the fork.

Rating: Moderate.

Now you're ready to bag a peak. The trail is fairly level for the first couple of miles, starting out on an old Civilian Conservation Corps road. After leaving the road, the trail switchbacks up through a lush forest of white firs and ponderosa pines, punctuated with grassy meadows. As you gain elevation, bristlecone pines begin to dominate.

At 4 1/2 miles you reach the junction with the South Loop trail. Mount Charleston looms ahead, but hang a left to Griffith Peak. Griffith may just be a hill with a hard-on compared with the beefier Charleston, but the views are spectacular. You can even see Pahrump.

After the hike: Check out the amazing collection of fossils scattered around on the summit.

GRANDVIEW TRAIL

Where: Grand Canyon National Park. Trailhead is located at Grandview Point on the East Rim Drive.

Getting there: South on U.S. 93 to I-40. East on I-40 to Highway 64. Take Highway 64 to the South Rim entrance. Upon entering the park, follow the East Rim Drive to Grandview Point.

Rating: Difficult.

If your only experience with the Big Ditch is sauntering along the upper reaches of Bright Angel Trail, dodging squawking kids and lagoons of mule piss, it's time to take the plunge. Literally. The Grandview drops sharply via a series of switchbacks toward Horseshoe Mesa.

Footing is occasionally tricky where the trail has been storm-washed by past monsoons, and you'll be hugging limestone in a couple of sphincter-clenching narrow spots. But the views, as advertised, are quite tasty. The steep grade eases after the first mile and soon you're swooping across a saddle between Upper Hance and Grapevine canyons.

It's three miles to the remains of the Last Chance Mine on Horseshoe Mesa, and camping is allowed with a backcountry permit. If you still have some gas in your tank, follow a rocky path along the western edge of the mesa for another couple of miles until it dead-ends dramatically, 2,000 feet above the Colorado River. There's a pinion-shaded ledge where you can savor the aching stillness of God's holiest creation. It's also a great place to try to spit on river rafters below.

After the hike: Grab a bite at the Desert View Snackbar. Best place to watch the sunset is nearby Lipan Point.

FAIRYLAND LOOP

Where: Bryce Canyon National Park. Starts and ends at Sunrise Point.

Getting there: North on I-15 to Cedar City, Utah. East on Highway 14 to U.S. 89. North on 89 to Highway 12. East on Highway 12, then turn right into the park entrance.

Rating: Moderate.

You get plenty of bang for your buck at Bryce. Smallish by national park standards, it delivers serious eye candy. Rising spires, freaky fins, pinnacles, columns and arches--collectively called hoodoos--are crammed into a huge amphitheater, creating a Dr. Seussian landscape. Ravaged and misshapen as the teeth of hillbillies, the various formations sport a range of colorful monikers, such as Thor's Hammer, Three Wisemen and Wall of Windows. Look for one near the trailhead I call Dildo of the Gods.

Fairyland Loop is an eight-mile trek into Fairyland and Campbell canyons and around Boat Mesa. If you want to avoid shelling out park fees, you can access the trail from the Fairyland viewpoint, just before the entrance.

And remember, hiking a trail called the Fairyland Loop doesn't make you gay. Hiking it in suede culottes and a Survivor All-Stars bandana does.

After the hike: Stay up all night. Uncorrupted skies make Bryce a premier stargazing spot. And the sunrise turns the hoodoos electric. Colors pulsate in the dawn light. I swear. Probably even without the peyote.

HUMPHREYS PEAK

Where: Flagstaff, Ariz. Trailhead is at the Snow Bowl ski area.

Getting there: South on U.S. 93 to I-40. East on I-40 to Flagstaff; exit at Highway 180. North on 180 for about 14 miles. Turn right on Snow Bowl Road.

Rating: Strenuous.

For that exhilarating, top-of-the-world feeling and wraparound summit views, Humphreys Peak, Arizona's highest point at 12,633 feet, is unmatched. Visible from the top are the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, red rock buttes of Sedona and the pastel cliffs of the Painted Desert.

The 4 1/2-mile route begins by traversing a large meadow that's drenched in wildflowers during the summer. A gradual ascent through dense forest of spruce, fir and aspen leads to the saddle connecting Humphreys and Agassiz, the state's second highest mountain.

The final three-quarter-mile stretch is a lung-squeezing slog across a wind-scoured ridge of alpine tundra. Expect three false summits--the bastards!--before bagging Humphreys.

After the hike: Downtown Flagstaff oozes with the shaggy charm of a college/cowboy/ski town. Catch a band at the bar of the historic Hotel Monte Vista. Scenes from Casablanca were filmed on premises.

BADWATER SALT FLATS

Where: Death Valley National Park. Parking area, 17 miles south of Highway 190 on Badwater Road.

Getting there: North on U.S. 95 to Amargosa Valley. Turn left on Highway 373 to Death Valley Junction. Turn right on Highway 190, then left on Badwater Road.

Rating: Easy

Named for a briny pool reeking of brimstone, like Satan just took a whiz. At 282 feet below sea level, you're standing at the lowest spot in the Western Hemisphere. And one of the hottest places on Earth. Irresistible to an edge junkie.

There's no trail. A causeway leads onto the salt flats, a scorched crustscape of shimmering light and mirage, ringed by ragged cliffs. The sun is a manhole cover. The air sears, like you're breathing soup. The heat is emotional sodomy. Hike as far as you want. Or until the enamel starts peeling off your teeth.

After the hike: On your way to the air-conditioned comfort of Furnace Creek, score a couple of short but scenery-rich hikes, Desolation Canyon and Natural Bridge, just off Badwater Road.

ANGEL'S LANDING

Where: Zion National Park. Trailhead is at the Grotto picnic area.

Getting there: North on I-15 past St. George, Utah, to Highway 9. East on Highway 9 to the park entrance. Vehicles are prohibited in the main canyon from March through October. Shuttle buses are free, and stop at the Grotto picnic area.

Rating: Moderate.

Any cartoon aficionado knows that some sights are so unbelievable your eyes literally pop from your head and lie blinking on the ground. While perched atop Angel's Landing, a soaring monolith with the entire canyon sprawling below, be prepared to fish for your peepers. It's an ungodly view.

Start the 2.5-mile hike early, before the crowds, and as the morning sun bathes the tops of the towering formations with the most delicate light imaginable. A small footbridge crosses the Virgin River and begins the West Rim Trail. From there it gently climbs into Refrigerator Canyon, so named not because of the perpetual shadiness, but because of a mysterious moldy object towards the back. Just kidding.

You emerge from the canyon via the famed "Walter's Wiggles" switchbacks. From here the West Rim Trail branches to the left. Now comes the fun part. The last half-mile follows a knife-edge ridgeline to the summit. Chains have been added in places, but this is a slender trail with sheer, terrifying 1,000-foot drop-offs. DO NOT attempt to reach the summit if you have a fear of heights. Nobody will think less of you. Wuss.

After the hike: If your heart survived the white-knuckle ascent, repack those arteries with a garlic burger at Oscar's Café in Springdale.

MIDDLE FORK OF TAYLOR CREEK

Where: Zion National Park. Trailhead is on Kolob Canyons Road.

Getting there: North on I-15 to Exit 40.

Rating: Moderate.

Kolob Canyons are the off-Strip gem of Zion. Most park visitors aren't aware these dramatic finger canyons exist, even though they're easily accessed. Just whip off I-15 at Exit 40 and you're immediately cruising a staggering beaut of a scenic drive.

Trailhead for Middle Fork is two miles past the visitor center. You drop quickly into the streambed, passing through airy forest. Keep an eye skinned for mule deer and wild turkey. You'll rock-hop feisty Taylor Creek repeatedly along the route, and pass a couple of historic cabins and a collection of waterfalls. You're soon swaddled in sandstone as the canyon walls close around you.

After 2.7 miles the trail officially ends at Double Arch Alcove, an elegant backcountry grotto, water-gnawed and slashed with color.

After the hike: Larsen's Frostop in St. George, a '60s-style drive-in, serves health food like tater tots stuffed with cheese. If you're covered in trail grunge, take advantage of the perky squad of carhops.

ALPINE LAKES-GLACIER LOOP

Where: Great Basin National Park. Trailhead is at Bristlecone parking area.

Getting there: North on I-15 to U.S. 93. North to U.S. 50. East on 50 to Highway 487. South on 487 to Baker. Follow signs to the park.

Rating: Moderate.

Combine two popular trails, Alpine Lakes and Bristlecone-Glacier, for an action-packed six-mile hike. The Alpine Lakes trail circles an area of stream-fed meadows, skirting two shallow lakes couched in glacial hollows. Iced over like a stripper's heart most of the year, in summer they are crystalline and ringed by wildflowers.

A side trail leads up to a grove of bristlecone pines that somehow survive along wind-clawed ridges for thousands of years. Since interpretive signs give you the lowdown on these gnarled geezers, guessing the age of individual trees could make an excellent drinking game. The trail continues up the moraine to a deep hollow offering majestic views of Wheeler Peak and the only glacier in Nevada.

After the hike: Complete the sense of otherworldliness by taking a tour of Lehman Caves.

LOWER MULEY TWIST CANYON

Where: Capitol Reef National Park. Trailhead is off Burr Trail Road.

Getting there: North on I-15 to Cedar City, Utah. East on Highway 14 to U.S. 89. North on 89 to Highway 12. Follow Highway 12 to Boulder. Turn right on the Burr Trail. The Burr trail is a graded road accessible by most passenger cars in dry weather. Check for weather and road conditions before beginning. Trailhead is on the right, after 34 1/2 miles.

Rating: Moderate.

Everyone has places that, for them, reverberate with magic. Mine is a gaunt canyon in a remote section of Utah called Muley Twist. It's one of the few viable routes through that geological wonder, the Waterpocket Fold--a 100-mile long bend in the earth's crust that cleaves southern Utah in half.

The canyon was an old Mormon wagon trail, so winding and torturous it would "twist a mule." It was also a route favored by outlaws like Butch and Sundance. More important than any of that historical crud, it was where I first bit the sun-baked nipple of wilderness.

Years ago, I spent a week in the craggy bowels of the Fold, wading through quicksand-choked narrows and exploring snacky side canyons bristling with arches, spires and cliffs. Then back to camp in time to watch sunsets that were mad, startling swirls of color, like Van Gogh emptying his pockets at the police station. Never before had I been steeped in such walloping silence and I dug the holy shit out of it. Still do.

From the trailhead, drop into the dry streambed and follow it through the canyon curving past soaring battlements and deep-cut alcoves. You can day hike in and out, or do an overnight loop, exiting through the canyon narrows after 12 miles and returning by an open trail through the sage and greasewood.

After the hike: Go find a special place of your own, the kind that sings your heart awake. Don't be stupid enough to blab about it in a newspaper. And score a hunk of rainbow trout so sweet it makes your knees buckle at the Capitol Reef Inn & Café in Torrey.