Thursday, January 01, 2004
Copyright © Las Vegas Mercury

Mercury World Report

New year, new you

New Year's resolutions are a timeless tradition. How do some of us plan to better ourselves in 2004?

Oscar Goodman

"I resolve to drink stopping so much gin."

Erin Kenny

"I resolve to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. For once."

Celine Dion

"Your culture's vapid tradition of empty gestures of self-improvement is appalling. Leave me now!"

Paula Francis

"Oh, resolutions. Aren't those nice? Mm-hm. Back to you, Gary."

Dario Herrera

"I resolve to see a chiropractor. Sleeping on the couch is killing my back."

Robin Leach

"Well, if wandering the aisles of Walgreens at 3 a.m. wearing nothing but a bear rug and drinking champagne out of an alligator shoe can be considered a bad habit, I resolve to quit."

Myrna Williams

"I resolve to continue my quest for eternal life by drinking the blood of innocents."

Gov. Kenny Guinn

"I resolve to reform our legislative system so as to avoid disasters like in 2003. I think Nevadans will agree we can only accomplish this by working together to kill and eat Bob Beers."