Rant

I've said it before and I'll say it again, natural selection simply does not work. That is, while it may function effectively within the confines of the animal kingdom, the concept fails when confronted with the tireless and enduring stupidity of mankind. Never mind for a moment that our commander in Chief is a bumbling dimwit; proof positive is Mike Tyson, who admitted last Monday to the U.K.'s Daily Record that he has been sleeping in homeless shelters and accepting handouts from drug dealers. Apparently, says Tyson, these "unsavory characters" see him as "some sort of a pathetic character." Tyson also says it was money that made him "so persistently disregardless." This after he was just awarded a $14 million settlement in a lawsuit against former manager Don King. I guess that's only a drop in the bucket, though, when you owe more than $40 million to the IRS and your various babies' mamas. Well, at least he'll always have his friendly neighborhood crack dealer to keep him on his feet and beating up civilians in local bars. So three cheers for survival of the fittest--the last refuge of humanity's lowest rung.--Newt Briggs