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Thursday, June 03, 2004 Street smartsYou don't have to leave the valley to experience something new. Try our urban road trip guide
Certain stretches of road have character. The landmarks and businesses along them create a mood that attracts people seeking a genuine urban experience. The classic example is Las Vegas Boulevard South, one of the most famous stretches of road in the world. Fremont Street, obviously, fits the bill as well. A more accessible example is Maryland Parkway, which benefits from the dominant presence of UNLV to give it a flavorful, almost bohemian vibe. Sadly, Las Vegas doesn't have a multitude of roadways with character. The newness and blandness of master-planned suburbia hurts the cause. But it wasn't hard for us to come up with five that meet the admittedly loose criteria.
North Rancho Drive: Animals, beer and porn North Rancho Drive is my domain. It's my lifeline to Las Vegas. For much of the past 15 years, I've traveled it twice a day for work (can't stomach the expressway crunch), and I often use it nights and weekends to run errands and whatnot. The first thing you need to know is it's Rancho Drive, not Rancho Road. I hate when people call it Rancho Road. Rancho Drive sounds cooler and, besides, it's correct. The second thing you need to know is Rancho Drive used to be known as Tonopah Highway. If some old-timer mentions Tonopah Highway, he means Rancho Drive. It used to be called Tonopah Highway because it was the highway leading to Tonopah back when Tonopah was as relevant as Las Vegas, so it deserved a highway name. Now U.S. 95 is the highway to Tonopah. You can get just about anything you want on North Rancho. It has a lot of bars, for starters, from the diviest dives (Lally's) to big-screen sports pubs (Kerry's). It also has several large neighborhood casinos, all owned by Station, of course. It also offers every automotive repair specialty known to man. But North Rancho has some unique stops, too. For example, the Southern Nevada Zoological-Botanical Park (1775 N. Rancho) is the valley's only zoo. Oh, you can glimpse a variety of animals at Strip resorts, but this is the only place in town where they are all in one area. The zoo isn't big (just three acres), and it isn't fancy, but it has loads of interesting animals, though some seem a little gimpy and tired. All in all, it's well worth the $7 ($5 for kids and seniors) required for admittance. Up the road a spell is Weber's Bakery Thrift Shop (3601 N. Rancho). This is an Atkins dieter's worst nightmare. Oh, man, do they have carbs! When you're feeling gluttonous, this is Mecca for packaged, spongy, gooey--and very affordable--day-old snacks. Or some bread. A major landmark on North Rancho is Big Dog's Draft House (4543 N. Rancho), one of the better bars and tastiest restaurants in the northwest valley. In the fall and winter, you'll find me standing in the bar most every Sunday. Why? Packer games, of course! All the honest-to-God Dairy State expats are there. You'll find me standing, or leaning against a pole, because the place is packed and I didn't get there early enough to snag a seat. By the way, Packer fans are friendly, unless some cheapshot artist whacks Brett Favre, so you can come watch the game even if you aren't a cheesehead. North Rancho also features something you can't find just anywhere in town--a feed store. Sure, Jones Feed & Tack (6515 W. Lone Mountain) gets the job done as a traditional convenience store and gasoline station, but it's so much more. You see, it sells chicks. No, not like the Chicken Ranch sells chicks. Real baby chickens. It's pretty cool. You can just look at the chicks and listen to them peep if you want. You can even touch their furballiness. You don't have to actually buy any. Also, because it's a feed store, it kinda smells like a feed store. Which isn't really a bad thing in our so-sterile suburbia. Well, we have reached the end of our trek, and guess what stands before us? It's an anomaly in the northwest, a sore thumb to some, a blessing to others. It's Rancho Adult Video (4820 N. Rancho). Unlike its brethren on Industrial Road, Rancho Adult Video has fairly modest signage. It keeps a low profile. But once you enter the premises, a whole new world is at your fingertips. North Rancho Drive has it all, except for In-N-Out Burger (the Fat Burger is fine but slow) or El Pollo Loco (Taco Bell is a meager substitute), or, darn it, a Barnes and Noble. But otherwise, it seems pretty comprehensive.--Geoff Schumacher
Sunset Road: Strip mall nirvana While it may not be the urban road trip most likely to leave you oohing and ahhing like a tired hooker hoping for a substantial tip, there's something pleasingly well thought-out and sequential about the five-mile stretch that connects Sunset Park in southeast Las Vegas to Sunset Station in Henderson. For example: Early one sweltering summer afternoon, you'll start at Sunset Park (2911 E. Sunset), spread a checkered picnic blanket in the 110-degree shade, and pretend you're not ogling the sweaty, semi-clad college-age boys and girls bumping and spiking their way across the outdoor sand volleyball courts. Later, just five miles to the east, you'll call it a night at Henderson's first Station casino, Mecca for heavily sweatered, nicotine-stained oldsters dobbing and cursing their ways to another hard-way bingo. Why, it's the circle of life! Between these two extremes lurk plenty of neighborhood chain-pubs, generic strip malls and maxillofacial surgeons. There also are sporadic sprinkles of personality--if you know where to look--along this otherwise dehydrated thoroughfare. First of all, you're crazy if you don't strike a pose and shoot a snapshot in front of the Casa de Shenandoah, a.k.a. Wayne Newton's 50-acre ranch at the corner of Sunset and Pecos Road. The more adventurous may even want to peek over--hell, hop over--the fence for a good look-see. Exercise extreme caution, though: Mr. Excitement is rumored to raise some surly-ass wallabies. It's probably best to fortify yourself and score some upper-scale duds before heading further east into Green Valley --also known as, well, Henderson. After all, you'll want to fit in with the...well-fortified, upper-scale folks who live there. Lucky for you, the reasonably priced, yummy Amlee Chinese restaurant (3827 E. Sunset, Suite C)--try the creamy shrimp!--is situated near the Sunset/Sandhill intersection, as is The Refinery (3827 E. Sunset, Suite L), a thrift store that carries designer hand-me-downs--Gucci, Armani, Prada, et al--at heavily discounted prices. It's too late to turn back once you've reached Green Valley Parkway. Some of the creepy, ubiquitous bronze statues the area's known for are stationed in front of the Green Valley Library (2797 N. Green Valley Parkway), immediately establishing an otherworldly, blank-eyed hold over unsuspecting passersby. The library's sculpture involves three young boys playing in a water fixture. Except, ostensibly because of the drought, there is no water. So the boys appear instead to be frozen in varying stages of standing rigor mortis. Aren't you glad you had lunch? Across the parkway is a second sculpture, this depicting a shady-looking man proffering candy to a hesitant little girl. Keep in mind these statues are considered public art. More importantly, no more than a few feet away is Samuel's Deli (2744 N. Green Valley), the location of which is well worth noting for your next early-morning road trip. The place is known, and loved, for its omelettes and bagels and lox. Next comes Sunset Lanes (4565 E. Sunset), a bowling alley like most others in that it smells like feet. The beer, however, is good enough, as is the service. It's a homey place to rest your own stank appendages between frames. Then you can catch a flick at Green Valley Cinemas (4500 E. Sunset), an older theater that occasionally shows indies, or stagger next door to Barley's brewpub for even more beer. When the buzz wears off you'll round the weird elbow curve of Sunset, pass several interchangeable apartment complexes and Stephanie Street's chain-row (Border's, Tony Roma's, Toys-R-Us) and, finally, hit Sunset Station (1301 W. Sunset). Don't forget a sweater. And your bingo-dauber.--Lynnette Curtis
East Lake Mead Boulevard: Scary outside, fun inside Mexican restaurants, gringo bars and and plentiful bodegas make East Lake Mead Boulevard look as though a strip of East L.A. has been unrolled, carpet-like, in our very own North Las Vegas--with a hearty handful of 99-cent stores thrown in to spice things up. Sure, the area may look sketchy to stucco-souled suburbanites and pseudo-bohos, but rest assured, I was only shot at once. (Kidding!) Going west on Lake Mead from Pecos Road, any cultural tour of the area must kick off at Hank's Poo Bear Lounge (3508 E. Lake Mead). Awww, don't be scared, thirsty traveler. As the regulars tell it, the former biker bar has mellowed considerably over the years, and a recent afternoon sees some of the grizzled regs showing up for some beers and banter about topics ranging from the Bear's bad old days as a shady hangout to one patron's troublesome skin cancer breaking out on his scalp. Drinks are a bit pricier than you'd think--$2.25 for a Bud Light bottle--but, hey, that's cheap for a liquid lunch. (And if you just happen to imbibe to that happy point of soiling yourself, take comfort in knowing that the west door leads right into an attached Laundromat, Lots of Suds.) Moving west toward Belmont Square brings on a mini-mallful of shops, with the tiny 99 Cents Plus wedged in the back (3000 E. Lake Mead, Suite 10); this pilgrim picked up a cool, mirror-mounted Jesus figure for only $1.99. Meanwhile, trendoids tired of the mall scene should stop by Hahn's World of Surplus (2908 E. Lake Mead), which boasts a reasonably priced selection of black work boots, Army jackets, fatigues and field hats. For cheap frills, check out the barrel near the front door filled with used military patches for $1 each. Beer buzz...fading...must...eat. There are plenty of Mexican restaurants dotting East Lake Mead, but that's not the only option. M.B. China (2100 E. Lake Mead, Suite A) offers cheap, filling eats, such as its $3.20 lunch special (the beef chow mein was decent and comes with two generous scoops of egg fried rice). But save room for...more food. If you bust a U-turn and head back east, on the southeast corner of Lake Mead and Civic Center lies a fortuitous triple threat: get food, get dessert, get wasted! Start off at Tortas Mexico (2501 E. Lake Mead, Suite C), a sleepy little diner where dudes nip at cans of Modelo Especial while watching a snowy TV set. Yeah, Modelo's a perfect complement to a light second lunch of chicken tostada with a side of limed and salted cukes and radishes, followed up with a bowl of sweet sour cream with strawberry slices; the spread will set you back about five bucks. A couple of doors down is Santa Barbara Ice Cream (2501 E. Lake Mead, Suite A), where single scoops on a sugar cone are $1.81; as a bonus, the west-facing window offers an impressive view of people at the Civic Center light melting in their cars. Sitting between these two shops is The Gambler Casino (2501 E. Lake Mead, Suite B) whose promisingly divey-looking outside hides a bar that's actually nice, clean and up to date. The dark interior makes it a great place for an anonymous afternoon nip. When that buzz fades, try the dinner special, salmon, fries and tortillas for $8. See? You lived!--Andrew Kiraly
Spring Mountain Road: From hole to China Poor Spring Mountain. It doesn't actually go to the Spring Mountains and, to heap further indignities on it, it changes names like 15 or 20 times once it crosses the Strip. We'll start at China Town (4255 Spring Mountain), or to be more accurate, anyone-with-a-racial-tendency-for-the-epicanthal-eye-fold town. That speaks of a sort of exclusivity that is to be admired. Surely if some U.S. citizens went to Beijing and started America Town, they'd be damned unlikely to include a Brazilian restaurant and a Canadian bacon outlet. It's a great place to window shop for high-end anime sculptures and samurai swords, both steel and Day-Glo plastic. Most importantly, it's one of the few places in town where you can always find a variety of rat sculptures. You can either sample the myriad cuisines or merely giggle at the menu. Beef sinew with crispy noodles? Sign us up. It's proved so popular that Asian business are spreading up the hill at an astounding rate. That part of the street is still about half establishments marketed toward the working class (okay, poor.) This brings us to 4731 Spring Mountain and the store I still think of as Pic-N-Save-I-mean-MacFrugal's-no-it's-Big Lots-now-isn't-it? Yes, they specialize in cheap crap that breaks within the first season you own it, and Lord knows the idea of buying food there oogs me out, but I still shop there. Sometimes, you don't need the stuff to last. You might have to dig a little, but I've never bought a cassette out of their $2.99 rack that I didn't get at least six bucks' worth of enjoyment out of. And where else can you find a zombie monkey valet with a fez candle holder? The character changes dramatically when the street crosses Jones Boulevard. The New York City Bar and Grill (6168 Spring Mountain) straddles the two worlds. From the outside, it looks unremarkable, just another bar in a strip mall. On the inside, well, okay, it's just another bar in a strip mall, but one with lots of comfy leather couches and a big-screen TV. The beer is reasonable, and best of all, it only costs four bits to play pool. West of there, you travel through a canyon of cinderblock walls, a clear indication of fortressed suburbia that typifies much of the valley. Just past the Krispy Kreme and the giant 99 Cents store, you cross one of the city's many unnatural landmarks, the Spring Mountain Land Bridge, a narrow strip of road flanked by two ENORMOUS PITS. To be fair, the pits, part of Wells Cargo's facility (7770 Spring Mountain), have been there a long time. Nevertheless, there's something disturbing and oddly amusing about houses seemingly perched on the rim of a yawning abyss. I'm sure it's safe and it probably gives the owners a sense of impending danger and morose futility that would give Camus a major woody. We'd better cleanse our palates with a walk in the park, in this case, Desert Breeze Park (8275 W. Spring Mountain). Certainly the finest and most significant park for miles around, despite the fact that it doesn't offer much in the way of shade. Your best bet is to try to stay on the shady side of a fat guy. The park has a pool and waterslide, a very cool skatepark, a dog run, a bunch of playgrounds and numerous soccer and baseball fields. If you're really lucky, you might spot some guy with a giant kite trying to maim himself or attempt motorless flight, as I have seen more than once. But that's not the reason I go there. I go there for the big balls. There are a bunch of big cement soccer balls decorating one section. These are invaluable for the game of "can a short, out-of-shape guy get on top of a slippery sphere that's purt near taller than he is?" So far the answer has been mostly "yes," and occasionally, "ow." One day, no doubt, the answer will be, "Why am I laying on the grass, and how did it get to be night?" Until then, I'm gonna keep playing with the ol' balls.--F. Andrew Taylor
East Sahara Avenue: Not hip, but still happening Ah, East Sahara Avenue--so close you can almost smell the hobo urine. At least that's what those uninitiated to its back-alley charms like to believe. Granted, East Sahara may not have the hipster cachet of its neighbors, Charleston Boulevard and Maryland Parkway, but it's hardly the red-headed stepchild of our red-nosed mayor's urban redevelopment plan. Take Commercial Center (957 E. Sahara)--that oft-maligned hub of wig shops, holistic healers and exotic food vendors--for example. Beyond the swingers clubs (Green Door) and purveyors of "authentic Mexican goat dishes" (Birreria Jalisco), this patchwork strip mall delivers a Technicolor dreamcoat of watering holes and tasty restaurants. Inside the Spotlight Lounge, you'll always find a gaggle of mustachioed toughs sitting at the bar and pounding down cheap pitchers of domestic swill. But instead of picking fights and groping waitresses, they're likely to be tickling each other and singing along with "It's Raining Men." The Spotlight is one of three gay bars in Commercial Center, and all of them will serve you up a cheap beer and a host of ready-made pals--whether you're gay, straight, male or female. Nothing works up an appetite like a dozen beers and a debate on the merits of assless pants, and Komol--arguably the tastiest Thai restaurant in town--offers a spicy mushroom Tom Kah (coconut milk, lemongrass, mushrooms, chili oil) that's the perfect complement to a bellyful of suds. Order it by the big bowl and share it with your burly new friends. Just make sure to avoid the dried chili peppers; they're steam-whistling-out-of-your-ears spicy. Worse comes to worst, though, it's only a hop, skip and a jump to Leatherby's (577 E. Sahara), where the banana split is the mouth extinguisher royale. Loaded with whipped cream, nuts, maraschino cherries and a variety of syrups, Leatherby's banana confection is the grand master of frozen dairy decadence. Plus, the fruit makes it good for you. After that, it's off to Record City--or, to be more accurate, Record Cities (553 E. Sahara and 300 E. Sahara). Las Vegas' reigning champion of all things good and vinyl (with the exception of a select few bondage stores), Record City is the place to dig up a cheap copy of Def Leppard's Hysteria or Queen's soundtrack for Flash Gordon. The first location even has an entire room of $1 LPs and cassettes, although the bulk of these are the castoffs of Johnny Mathis, Jefferson Starship, Nazareth and Ray Parker Jr. But for those who think vinyl records are best left in the era of wicker bedroom sets and rhinestone cowboy boots, there's always Cinema Collectors (2242 Paradise Road)--the east side's source for movie memorabilia. Whether you've got a hankering for an original Man Who Turned to Stone promotional poster or a black and white photo still from The Godfather, Cinema Collectors is the hookup for the gangly collector nerd inside us all. Finally, a trip down East Sahara isn't complete without a stop at Pounders (332 W. Sahara)--Vegas' only multinational karaoke bar. Other bars offer karaoke as a weekend novelty, but at Pounders, karaoke is their daily bread. They do it every night from 10 p.m. to 5 a.m. and even offer an impressive selection of non-English songs to boot. Speaking from experience, the trip won't really be complete until you've thrown down a spirited round of Gerardo's "Rico Suave" or Shakira's "Estoy Aqui."
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