Aural Intercourse: 'Idol': Thank God it's over

By Mike Prevatt

If you keep up with the news, you know that people are making a lot out of Morgan Spurlock, the everyman documentarian who went on a 30-day diet of nothing but McDonald's for his film Super Size Me. And yet, I think I've just accomplished a feat that trumps even his heart-palpitating stunt: I've watched an entire season of "American Idol" from start to finish.

Yup, you read right. Stodgy pop music critic here watched every single episode--even the "uncensored" reject highlight show, filmed surely to exploit the self-respect-lacking William Hung--prioritized in his TiVo schedule right below "The Sopranos" and right above "Arrested Development." And I have to say, while it wasn't as painstaking as I predicted it would be, the exercise was still as masochistic as a romp in the sling with Ruben Studdard.

Why bother? After all, isn't "American Idol" a glorified high school talent contest that has less to do with celebrating artistry than using young, pliable, starry-eyed vocalists as puppets for the ailing music industry? Well, it's worse than that. Imagine "Solid Gold" combined with "Kids Incorporated," and you have an idea of how shameless and cheesy this ratings winner--No. 1 show this year--is. And for someone who abhors karaoke--unless Bill Murray's doing the singing--it's sheer agony.

However, as Morrissey told Entertainment Weekly last week, it's an easy target. Who can blame teenagers such as Jasmine Trias, Diana DeGarmo and Jon Stevens for wanting to be singing stars? Who can blame Fox or the music industry for wanting to exploit such talent? The concept isn't exactly new. And all you bar bands and singer-songwriters who self-righteously scoffed at the show but ever participated in a battle-of-the-bands contest, who are you to talk? Its overwhelming success is a no-brainer--people love an underdog, they love fluffy pop songs, they love to see other people cut down and they love reality TV. It's not exactly "the surprise of the century," as brutally honest judge Simon Cowell likes to say when some despondent singer states the obvious blunder in his performance.

I found myself keeping up with "Idol" for a few reasons. For one, I was naturally curious about what all the fuss was about. I was also equally interested to see if the show had anything redeeming about it. And then there's Cowell--perhaps the most infamous music critic in pop history.

A lot of people write off the bitchy, arrogant judge as someone who panders to the nation's obsession with humiliation. And he is, after all, a man who helped usher in the success of vacuous boy bands such as the United Kingdom act Westlife. But for the past four months, I've come to see him as the soul of the show. He seems like a genuine music fan, even if some of the pop he champions is crap.

When I grimaced through, say, one of finalist Matt Rogers' insufferable performances, I knew Cowell would give voice to my own disapproval in a way I might among my friends--it was honest. And it should be said that, for all his caustic barbs, he's equally hyperbolic when it comes to the songs he likes. He has that same genuine excitement that we music devotees express when we're moved by a particular work or performance. Last week, when he told this season's winner, Fantasia Barrino, that she was the best competitor the show has ever had, you could tell he was overjoyed to finally say so.

And speaking of Barrino, what was interesting was how this season's controversies actually shed more light on its viewers than the show itself. Besides the issue of votes not getting counted and the advantage the Hawaiian voters--supporting Trias--had with their time delay, there were cries of racism when, on the April 22 show, Jennifer Hudson was voted off the competition. She and her fellow R&B divas--Barrino and LaToya London--comprised the bottom three vote-getters from the audience telephone poll the night before. It certainly looked bad to see every African-American female contestant getting the least amount of votes. But Hudson was not as resonant or talented as Barrino or London. With the show's demographic spanning widely in age and race, it's easy to see how having so many R&B singers split the votes among the contestants. It was making something out of nothing.

Which brings me to my biggest problem with "American Idol"--it's become far too self-important. With every ham-fisted performance, the contestants became more and more unbearable. With every reiteration of the show's sky-high ratings and its past contestants' CD sales, host Ryan Seacrest managed to out-superlative the judges. Forget the "pitchiness" and often-trite song selections--"Idol" lives up to its name by trying to manufacture heroes, albeit in a very one-dimensional way. Well, a hero isn't someone who can imitate Celine Dion or Bob Seger, or who can hawk cars with the spirit of a Mouseketeer sing-along.

And so, for this music fan, enough is enough. Count me out for season four--except for the proposed Bob Dylan episode. I'd love to hear what he says about bad pitch.

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