Mercury World Report

States return to normal colors

Swelling, itching also recede

The states returned to their normal grayish purple hue early Wednesday, mere hours after the presidential election was determined.

Across the nation, the clashing colors of red and blue, symptoms of an election year, faded to pink and baby blue and then disappeared altogether, as the nation's intense case of acute partisanship receded.

In red state Nebraska, the flat, seemingly endless plains of farmland growing corn and alfalfa were drained of their intense scarlet color and returned to greens and yellows. In Alaska, another red state, the snow and glaciers turned pink and then, eventually, to their original dazzling white. California, meanwhile--its hills and skyscrapers, freeways and sports cars--recovered from its deep royal blue. Texas remained fucking red, however.

Jessica Simpson urges youth to vote

NEW YORK--As part of a multiple-city concert tour designed to get young people involved in democracy, singer Jessica Simpson on Wednesday encouraged youth to vote this election season.

"I know it's easy to think that your vote doesn't matter, but it does," Simpson told the crowd of more than 10,000 after she performed her hit single "With You" in Central Park Nov. 3. "The biggest fear of politicians is that young people like you will band together and make a change. And you can do that. Please, please make your voice heard and vote this week!"

Popular musical artists P. Diddy, Usher and Good Charlotte also performed.

Inside Out Zingers still searching for market share

While snack giants such as Nabisco and Hershey's have reaped giant profits from such inside-out novelty offerings as "Uh-Oh" Oreos and Reese's "Inside Out" Peanut Butter Cups, bakery retailer Dolly Madison reported disappointing third-quarter earnings from its whimsical Inside Out Zingers.

"Frankly we're mystified by the consumer indifference," said Todd Ringdahl, Madison's vice president of brand marketing. "It's the same delicious sponge cake and the same creamy filling, just reversed. If anything, it's even more delicious than your standard Zinger. And a lot more fun.

"We've taken our light and chocolatey sponge cakes and covered them with a thin layer of our rich, velvety icing," Ringdahl explained. "And then we've coated the whole confection in a generous layer of our sticky, lard-based filling. Three gray-white snack cakes on the same old cardboard tray, and still porously shrink-wrapped for freshness.

"I think once customers let their fingers slide into that gummy, glutinous filling and feel the hardened snack cake within, we won't be able to keep them on the shelves."