Rant

After watching a pair of fleshbags who survived the Great Depression do what I can only assume was a variant on the Lindy Hop during a live performance by the Black Eyed Peas at this year's Democratic National Convention, I assumed myself well-versed in the shameful spectacle that is the modern-day political rally. Yet Southern Nevada outstripped my lowest expectations last Friday when President Bill Clinton appeared at a party gathering at the Clark County Government Center.

I know, I know, Clinton was late and officials had to scramble to fill the time, but that hardly explains the shortcomings of the P.A. system, which would have been more effective had organizers provided each speaker with a large piece of paper rolled into a megaphone. Nor does it justify the fact that when there was no one left to address the crowd, the P.A. erupted in a flurry of smooth jazz. Smooth jazz?! Is there anything less conducive to enthusiasm than smooth jazz? And finally, with the exception of Shelley Berkley's, the speeches were lackluster--most of them ending with a hopeless attempt to start some kind of chant: Go Kerry! G-go Ker-go-ry! And that says nothing of the crowd, which shouted down the first speaker as he delivered the opening prayer. Thank goodness they give us only five electoral votes.--Newt Briggs