Sidebar with Agnes Fliff

Facts on the Clinton Library

What is a presidential library?

They are repositories for preserving and making available the papers, records and other historical documents of U.S. presidents. As you can imagine, these places totally rock! For a slamming good time, you want to get all up in Coolidgetown! Holla! Although Six Flags Over Eisenhower has the best water slide.

Who visits presidential libraries?

Tara Reid, Natalie Portman, Estelle Getty and I spent two months this past summer checking out each of the presidential libraries. Know what the difference is between Tara Reid and first class? Some men have never been in first class. It's easy to determine what dignitaries are visiting the library at any given time by just checking the flagpole. If the prime minister of Canada is on the premises, the Canadian flag is flown. If a pair of pants is flapping in the breeze, it means Sen. Ted Kennedy has stopped by.

Bill Clinton's presidential library is scheduled to open Nov. 18. Will his be different?

Unlike most of the other libraries, Clinton's is a painstaking re-creation of the Playboy Mansion. So it's the only one with a grotto. It's also staffed entirely by ex-strippers and Hooters alumni. The screech of peacocks and spider monkeys punctuates the festivities. Tobey Maguire, still oily with lubricant, is usually passed out near the volleyball courts. President Clinton, clad in silk pajamas, roams the facility munching Totino pizza rolls and offering to introduce guests to his presidential staff. He encourages everyone to call him Clint.

Does the Clinton library have a gift shop?

No. The gift shop is actually off-site in a nearby building. But for all your holiday shopping needs it is worth a visit. A couple of must-have items include the Monica Lewinsky bobblehead doll and a snowglobe that contains a tiny stained blue dress. At least, I hope all that white stuff flying around was snow.