Girl Gone Wild: Winggirl etiquette

By Loki Ferris

A good winggirl never, ever impedes her friend from talking to a cute guy. She makes friendly chatter with the cute guy's friend(s) regardless of sincere interest while her friend feels the cute guy out and scores a contact number or date. Or winggirl stays put, sipping on her drink as her friend (namely me) gets her game on. Likewise, a good girlfriend won't waste her or her winggirl's time by talking to every guy who flirts with her just to be accommodating and pleasant.

I had a girlfriend who literally pulled me by my arm when men she deemed unsuitable for me approached. "Oh, he's ugly." "Oh, too much of a pretty boy." "Too short, too fat, receding, bad teeth, conceited, no personality," etc., etc. She'd make any attribute a heinous one under the guise that "not just any man will do for you." While I'm thankful for her high regard, it does no good when I'm going home empty-handed. Many passed-over cuties later, I finally came to the conclusion that any of these men would have been worth my time had they merely acknowledged her presence too. Making it such an important point to establish rapport betwixt my potential booty call (or love of my life) and that ballbuster/cockblocker friend of mine, who I nicknamed the Yeti because she refuses to shave her legs in winter, is awkward for everyone (I'm all for granola, but I told her to stay away from wearing skirts, for God's sake!)

Women just want to be treated with kindness and respect, regardless of whether they strike your fancy right away. Yes, fellas, that means all the ladies in the group. Concentrate on the one lady you really want to talk to, but don't ignore the delicate sensibilities of the others in the group who are just waiting to approve of you or tear you apart and devour you along with their happy hour appetizers.

But too many times, my pal the Yeti gets passed over, though she is a cute girl and a great conversationalist at times. Getting past her neutral exterior is the first step in passing the grade. So I devised a strategy for her: I'll just introduce her right away to whomever walks up to me. The grimace on her face was a precursor of things to come. Not only was the man I was trying to talk to getting mixed signals about my level of interest, but his poor friend tried to talk to me, thinking he may have a better chance because his friend had struck out! This is okay if his friend is cuter or brighter, but it has been my experience that the first guy of the group who speaks to me is usually the one with the go-getter attitude that I prefer.

Another thing that good winggirls should do is vacate the premises if their friend is leaving. Don't try to mack on the man who just macked on your friend--he liked your friend first. Good winggirls are too good to be considered by default anyway. An exception to this rule is if the winggirl actually hits it off with the guy's wingman. In this way she can keep an eye on the man whom I may have hit it off with after I'm gone. She can survey his macking etiquette and take notes: Did he flirt around shamelessly as the night wore on, or did he mind his manners, satisfied with talking to me?

My girlfriend Kate is the ultimate winggirl. After a few drinks, after she talks me up, she can get the wingman to divulge. She's the master of nosing around with tact. (You'd be surprised what kinds of things come flying out of a real man's mouth when the potential for sex with the winggirl dangles itself like the proverbial carrot. "He's a great guy, but he's been known to cheat around, I mean, date around..." It is his duty as the wingman to always elevate his buddy, but I've known the most loyal of the loyal to list dysfunctions like a closet psychoanalyst. "He's a real ladies' man...and still very much a mama's boy..."

A winggirl's job is not an easy one. I've been one on occasion, and I take pride in my work. In my best low radio personality voice: Here's to you, good winggirls and wingmen of Vegas! Here's to you!