How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale,/i> Jenna Jameson and Neil Strauss Regan Books 579 pages Grade: B

Thursday, September 09, 2004
Copyright © Las Vegas Mercury

Books: How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale by Jenna Jameson and Neil Strauss

Do me right

By John Ziebell

Among the things Socrates said first--and best--is that the unexamined life is not worth living. But the problem with examined life, as with the phrase "informed opinion," lies in interpretation. A quick glance at the bookstore shelves proves that democracy of definition can be a curse, and some titles would have the old boy begging for another shot of hemlock. Could a rational person care what Paris Hilton says about anything? Should we really trust a mortal to explain God's relationship with Bush Junior?

Sure, there's respectable and remarkable nonfiction out there. And we also embrace books that, like situation comedies, don't pretend to offer much more than a simplistic diversion. How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale lies within the gravitational field of the latter. When attempting psychological depth, the book's reach almost invariably exceeds its grasp, but as an entertainment--whether addressing hard-earned life lessons or ass-cheek-slappin' good times--it certainly walks the walk that the title talks.

We cling to the American myth that any kid can become an astronaut or billionaire on the strength of desire and the appropriate work ethic because, every day, someone achieves that dream. A few years ago, an underaged Las Vegas stripper named Jenna Massoli saw the epiphany of her future glowing on the horizon: She would be "the biggest porn star ever." As Jenna Jameson, XXX studette, former-E! talent, self-proclaimed "Queen of Porn" and madame of Club Jenna, her high-dollar, almost-mainstream online porn empire, she has arguably succeeded.

In terms of memoir, the journey from Las Vegas to North Hollywood was pretty rocky. Porn is not a business known for its brain trust, and Jenna Jameson might be one of the shrewdest people in it, but what adds the inescapably melancholy flavor to her story is not the early death of her mother, or the disinterest of her father, or even rape, but her magnetic and unapologetic attraction to losers.

"There was something about Las Vegas that was poison," she says at one point, which is an interesting condemnation coming from a meth-addicted stripper cheating on and being cheated on by her biker-tattoo artist boyfriend who stole all the money she didn't spend on dope and shoes to piss away in the sports books. And things didn't change much once she left for L.A. or tried girls instead of boys. While work and money improved for her over the next decade, some personal-life disaster undercut every professional success.

But the book is not all bleak. It features insider info about the stripping and porn industries, fun lists of do's and don'ts, and plenty of gossip about the people who populate an incredibly incestuous--mostly in the figurative sense--community. There's candid dirt on the cast of real-world characters the author has slept, fought or done business with, a catalog expanding from stoners and porn directors to metalhead rockers and momentary celebrities. There are no surprises in the antics of these people that pass as business-related insights: Porn stars like alcohol and drugs? Sex isn't always glamorous? The nonporn high points in Jenna's life seem to have been a cameo in Howard Stern's movie and dating Marilyn Manson; maybe that's why she always returns to the sex trade like a moth to flame.

Home's where the, ah, heart is. The book has a happy ending, and is engaging in its way. We want to see Jenna overcome dysfunction in her family, if nothing else; the narrative shows some concern for structure and keeping the reader's attention; and the hefty tome is half photographs, the images providing an interesting parallel storyline that's far less ambiguous than the text. While Jameson's memoir may not offer the keenest personal analysis in recent memory, it's more honest than the industry it represents and a better deal than a lap dance.