Thursday, September 16, 2004
Copyright © Las Vegas Mercury

Film shorts

Alien vs. Predator

1 star (PG-13, 100 min.) A dismally obvious blend of tinny dialogue, fabulously gaudy set design, illogical storytelling, unimpeachable special effects and mindless mayhem, this trashy sci-fi extravaganza salutes globetrotting greed, romanticizes the warrior ethic and regards human as expandable, bloody props. Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson (does a hack need that many initials?).--RC

Anaconda: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid

2 stars (PG-13, 93 min.) Director Dwight H. Little's sequel to the 1997 thriller gives us this big corporate company that has discovered the fountain of youth in the form of a rare blood orchid growing aside a faraway river in Borneo. The nightmare boat trip results in most of the characters getting eaten by the biggest digital snakes you've ever seen. That part's fun. It's the dumb characters who remain alive and talking who are annoying.--ADV

The Bourne Supremacy

4 stars (PG-13, 108 min.) Move over, 007. In Paul Greengrass' action-packed Bourne Identity sequel, Robert Ludlum's imperturbable, CIA-trained assassin is back, the ideal, conflicted hero for our amoral times. Matt Damon's pretty-boy looks make him an unlikely, but chillingly convincing killer; charismatic Joan Allen locks horns with grizzled spymaster Brian Cox, while Franka Potente and Gabriel Mann make welcome return appearances.--AA

Catwoman

1/2 star (PG-13, 105 min.) Before being reborn as Garfield's wet dream, Halle Berry is Patience Phillips, mild-mannered artist for Sharon Stone's cosmetics company. Too sexually provocative for kids, too imbecilic for adults, French director Pitof's Batman spinoff resembles an extended promo for an asinine, hip-hop version of Cats. Another reeking, Hollywood hairball.--JC

Cellular

2 1/2 stars (R, 92 min.) Jessica (Kim Basinger) is kidnapped and locked in a room in an unknown location. She gets hold of a semi-functioning phone and makes random contact with a young slacker on a cell (Chris Evans). Can she keep him on the line long enough to convince him to help her? Can he figure out how to help a woman whose location can't be traced? And even if he can help her, will the good guys get there before the bad guys waste her? If you are on the edge of your seat already, then you may find director David R. Ellis' one-gimmick film a pleasant waste of time. Otherwise, definitely, stay away.--ADV

The Cookout

Zero Stars (PG-13, 85 min.) A nice guy (Storm P) becomes a No. 1 NBA draft pick and starts to lose his head, buying mansions and hanging out with slutty chicks. Mama (Jenifer Lewis) hopes a family cookout will bring sonny back to earth. But the shindig results in a clash between phony rich people and sonny's "real friends" who know how to fart and smoke pot. Producer Queen Latifah has a small role as a security guard dreaming of making it to the big time by becoming a cop. The film is crudely made and stupidly simple, but that's no excuse for it being dull.--ADV

Collateral

3 stars (R, 119 min.) In Michael Mann's claustrophobic genre thriller, L.A. cab driver Jamie Foxx picks up expressionless Tom Cruise, a hit man with five victims on his one-night to-do list. A classy but predictable hit-and-run movie, full of menace in the familiar bustle of public spaces. With Jada Pinkett Smith, Mark Ruffalo.--JC

Criminal

4 stars (R, 85 min.) Cowriter and first-time director Gregory Jacobs' crime caper is made alive by the relationship between its two main characters. Richard Gaddis (John C. Reilly) is the sort of middle-aged son-of-a-bitch who cheats with glee little old ladies out of their savings. Rodrigo (Diego Luna) is a poor Los Angeles Mexican who steals only to help his debt-ridden father. They team up because, as Richard tells Rodrigo, "You have one thing that money and practice can't buy: You look like a nice guy." The film is marred by an unlikely ending, but the team's uneasy marriage makes for a beautifully unsentimental look at two colorful hustlers.--ADV

Danny Deckchair

2 1/2 stars (PG-13, 100 min.) The first 45 minutes or so of this Australian film is a funny, lyrical fantasy about a blue-collar man (the versatile Rhys Ians) who literally flies away from his troubles (with the help of some helium balloons and a deckchair) into his own Oz, complete with a perfect girlfriend and a dreamlike idyllic small town. But director and screenwriter Jeff Balsmeyer turns didactic on us. When his characters start making speeches about what life is really about, this whimsical little tale becomes heavy-handed and dull.--ADV

A Day Without a Mexican

2 1/2 stars (R, 100 min.) Director/writer Sergio Arau's digitally shot satire sets up a promising premise: Californians wake up one day to find all their state's Mexican residents gone. Leaf blowers operate without their owners. Chaos erupts at a car wash. Produce must be smuggled into the state. But the film concentrates so much on being the big piss that it ignores its thematic purpose; its intentions are consistently ambiguous.--MP

Everest

4 stars (NR, 44 min.) Co-director David Breashears' harrowing, 1998 Imax documentary chronicles the disastrous 1996 climbing season, when eight climbers perished in a freak storm on the world's highest peak. Featuring Jamling Tenzing Norgay, Ed Viesturs. Beck Weathers. Narrated by Liam Neeson.--AA

Exorcist: The Beginning

1 star (R, 114 min.) A repulsive, shallow and pretentious valentine to the redemptive power of the Catholic Church. Written by Alexi Hawley and directed by Renny Harlin, this prequel is set in Africa in 1949 and deals with the younger days of Father Merrin. As portrayed here by Stellan Skarsgard, Merrin is a swaggering, sodden archaeologist who has denounced God because of the horrors committed by the Nazis during World II. Call him Indiana Groans in the Tempo of Doom.--RC

Fahrenheit 9/11

4 1/2 stars (NR, 123 min.) Michael Moore's timely exposé of the machinations of the Bush administration is also a devastating indictment of subservient news media. This ambitious attempt to connect the dots of a story that begins with the 2000 election and ends with the carnage in Iraq is driven by a sinister thesis: The wholesale hijacking of our civil liberties. A searing, startling film and a heartfelt portrait of unfettered political arrogance.--JC

Garden State

4 stars (R, 101 min.) Twenty-nine year old director/writer/star Zach Braff's debut film about a young man afraid of finding his adult life is an astonishing achievement. When his paraplegic mother dies in a freak bathtub accident, struggling Los Angeles actor Andrew Largman (Braff) is forced to return to his New Jersey home where his adventures with friends, girlfriend (Natalie Portman) and control-freak Dad (a magnificent Ian Holm) change him. Affectionate and goofy, the film has a dreamy, low-key vibe that's refreshingly free of smart-allecky attitude.--JC

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle

2 stars (R, 87 min.) Potheads will love Dude, Where's My Car? director Danny Leiner's ditzy satire, chronicling the picaresque misadventures of two New Jersey stoners (endearingly bumbling John Cho and Kal Penn) en route for the titular hamburger joint. Less synaptically impaired viewers will be unamused, despite writers Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg's rousing conclusion. With Neil Patrick Harris.--AA

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

4 stars (PG, 141 min.) Teen wizard Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) and pals Ron and Hermione (Rupert Grint, Emma Watson) encounter escapee Gary Oldman, mysterious David Thewlis, imperious Alan Rickman, and ditzy Emma Thompson. Alfonso Cuarón follows the darker turn of J.K. Rowling's third novel, weaving fantasy, horror and humor into a playful take on teen angst.--TM

Haunted Castle

Not reviewed (PG, 38 min.) Aspiring rock star Jasper Steverlinck visits dead mom's spooky English mansion and learns that rock 'n' roll really is the devil's music, in this 2001 3-D Imax horror flick from Belgian director Ben Stassen.

Hero

4 stars (PG-13, 99 min.) A rousing adventure and soulful love triangle about a mysterious young warrior (Jet Li), this film is an unexpected choice for Asian superstar director Zhang Yimou, whose previous films (Ju Dou, Raise the Red Lantern) have mined quieter, more modern material. This is the most expensive Chinese movie to date, more spiritual, more romantic, and, if possible, even more ravishing than Ang Lee's Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.--JC

I, Robot

3 1/2 stars (PG-13, 115 min.) Will Smith deploys his raging charm as a hard-bitten homicide cop who, in 2035 Chicago, investigates the death of robot maven James Cromwell, with help from ice queen Bridget Moynahan. In his film suggested by Isaac Asimov's 1950 book, Alex Proyas (Dark City) retains enough of Asimov's chilling vision to counteract the studio-pic compromises. Surprisingly smart. With Bruce Greenwood, Alan Tudyk.--AA

Little Black Book

2 1/2 stars (PG-13, 106 min.) In Nick Hurran's mix of modern morality tale and daytime TV satire, talk show staffer Brittany Murphy snoops into boyfriend Ron Livingston's Palm Pilot and interviews his ex-lovers (Josie Maran, Rashida Jones and Julianne Nicholson). Mildly amusing, instantly forgettable. With Kathy Bates, Holly Hunter and a sickly Carly Simon soundtrack.--AA

The Manchurian Candidate

4 stars (R, 135 min.) In his remake of John Frankenheimer's 1962 classic, Jonathan Demme was smart to cast Denzel Washington, the personification of last-straw integrity. Haunted by brutal nightmares involving war hero and vice presidential candidate Raymond Shaw (Liev Schreiber), Gulf War veteran Bennett Marco (Washington) uncovers something even more horrific. A tight, exciting political thriller, more literal than its predecessor, that hurtles smoothly forward, graced by great performances. With Meryl Streep, Kimberly Elise.--JC

Maria Full of Grace

4 stars (R, 101 min.) Joshua Marston's eye-opening debut feature unflinchingly addresses life as a beautiful 17-year-old female Colombian "mule"--a person who regularly risks horrible death for the chance at a better life. The filmmaker presents scenes of shocking defilement without a hint of prurience or gratuitousness. Neither documentary nor polemic, the movie feels driven by a realistic sense of outrage.--JC

Napoleon Dynamite

2 1/2 stars (PG, 86 min.) Driving writer-director Jared Hess' plotless debut is Jon Heder who, as a geek for the ages, pulls back on the charisma for the sake of deadpan misanthropy. He's arrogant, dishonest, socially inept, hyper-defensive and downright rude. But in a movie where everyone's a loser, he becomes our de facto hero, eventually exuding a certain geek chic. But there's not much of a payoff; the film doesn't go anywhere.--MP

NASCAR: The Imax Experience

2 1/2 stars (PG, 48 min.) Simon Wincer's flagrant promo flick is expensive entertainment that requires tiresome 3D glasses to watch. But it delivers some of the visceral, ear-shattering excitement of race day. Narrated by Kiefer Sutherland.--AA

The Notebook

1 star (PG-13, 123 min.) James Garner reads Gena Rowlands the tale of star-crossed lovers (Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams) whose 1940 North Carolina romance was cruelly curtailed. Nick Cassavetes' syrupy film of Nicholas Sparks' novel is formulaic, manipulative tripe. With Joan Allen, James Marsden.--AA

Ocean Wonderland 3D

Not reviewed (NR, 44 min.) Filmed in the Bahamas and Australia, this Imax doc features rays, sharks, dolphins and other marine life in 3D.

Open Water

4 stars (R; 79 min.) There may be five stages of grief but there are at least a dozen stages of fear, and this film, about a young married couple who get stranded in the middle the ocean while on a scuba diving vacation, gooses every last one of them. Stripped down-filmmaking at its finest.--JC

Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch's War on Journalism

3 1/2 stars (NR, 78 min.) Funded by MoveOn.org and the Center for American Progress, director Robert Greenwold's documentary is a blithely unsubtle pounding on Murdoch's Fox News Network and its blatant propagation of Republican rhetoric.--MP

Paparazzi

2 stars (PG-13, 85 min.) In director Paul Abascal's overheated melodrama, four crazed photographers cause the family of action star Bo Laramie (Cole Hauser) to suffer a near-fatal accident. Naturally, Laramie embarks on a murderous rampage. Featuring cutesy cameos by Matthew McConaughery, Chris Rock and producer Mel Gibson, the film feels like a home movie made by a well-heeled lunatic.--RC

The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

Zero stars (G, 113 min.) It's impossible to describe the sheer awfulness of Garry Marshall's sequel to his 2001 fairy tale, in which Bay Area teen-cum-European royal Anne Hathaway has to choose between English duke Callum Blue and hunk Chris Pine. A meretricious insult. With Julie Andrews, John Rhys-Davies. --AA

She Hate Me

2 1/2 stars (R, 139 min.) Director Spike Lee shows his visual mastery and enormous gift for sexual satire in a tale of corporate greed and lesbians who gotta have it. But as a whole, the movie is an ungainly mess--inconsistent in tone, embarrassingly obvious in story, and intellectually a cheat. Lee and cowriter Michael Genet use one dimensional characters to fuel an Enron-like plot that Lee wants us to take seriously. When the film is lighthearted and loony, it's lovely. Trouble is, Lee is more interested in making political arguments than great films. His work is a flea market of ideas, with not one skillfully constructed thought.--ADV

Spider-Man 2

4 stars (PG-13, 127 min.) Unmasked hero Peter Parker (again played magnificently by Tobey Maguire) faces his beloved M.J. (Kirsten Dunst) and superlative villain "Doc Ock" (Alfred Molina), whose writhing metal tentacles are hell-bent on world domination. Sam Raimi's reverent realization of Stan Lee's comic-book vision makes the fantastic achingly human. This layered sequel's improved computer graphics make its predecessor look positively earthbound.--JC

Suspect Zero

3 stars (R. 100 min.) It's a bit creepy the way Ben Kingsley excels in two opposite kinds of roles: the highly morally noble and the highly deranged. This time out, in director E. Elias Merhige's poor man's cross between Silence of the Lambs and Insomnia, he's being hunted by a straight-laced FBI agent (Aaron Eckhart) for a series of gruesome murders. The movie is too brooding for its own good, at times illogical and overstylized. Worse, the writers don't take advantage of Kingsley's ability to get under the skin of his character. But there's enough suspense and enough Kingsley to make this a decent popcorn movie.--ADV

Uncovered: The War on Iraq

2 1/2 stars (NR; 83 min.) An informative gabfest--extended from the original 56-minute version previously available on DVD--may have a natural credibility, given how director Robert Greenwald lets news clips and commentators speak for themselves. Nearly 30 former international relations officials, intelligence analysts and weapons inspectors recount and opine amid footage of Bush and his administration. But there's not much in way of aesthetic presentation.--MP

Vanity Fair

4 1/2 stars (PG-13, 137 min.) Indian director Mira Nair tackles a lavish British costume drama about one of the 19th century's most resilient fictional heroines, and the result is a picture more daring, more unexpected and more thoroughly alive than anything this stuffy genre has seen since Gosford Park. Fans of William Thackeray's hefty novel will need to calm themselves over the page-to-page adjustments, but Nair wisely wants us to feel the energy and style in Becky Sharp's story, not its punctuation.--JC

The Village

2 1/2 stars (PG-13, 106 min.) M. Night Shyamalan has focused on concocting twists, and impossible expectations. In a 19th century village surrounded by dense woods, weird sounds emanate from "Those We Do Not Speak Of." Joaquin Phoenix goes for help, first pledging himself to blind lass Bryce Dallas Howard. A crime occurs, the twist is revealed. Banal, obvious and a huge disappointment. With Adrien Brody, William Hurt.--JC

We Don't Live Here Anymore

3 stars (R, 101 min.) Based on two novellas by the late Andre Dubus, director John Curran's film gnaws on a menage-a-quatre between two equally dysfunctional married couples. Jack and Terry Linden (Mark Ruffalo and Laura Dern) have two kids, a sprawling, chaotic house and what might delicately be called a communication problem. Their best friends (Peter Krause and Naomi Watts) are each having an affair with their best friend's mate. Although the actors play this material with stunning commitment--particularly Dern--the film is a thoughtful but dreary examination of narcissism, disconnection and emotional dishonesty.--JC

Wicker Park

1/2 star (PG-13; 114 min.) A deranged remake of the 1996 French mystery L'Appartement, director Paul McGuigan's film is about characters who never behave even remotely like real people. Fuzzy Josh Hartnett is an investment banker trying to track down an old flame (Troy's Diane Kruger) while dodging his present fiancee (Jessica Pare), who thinks he's on a plane to Shanghai. He keeps almost running into her. His old friend (Matthew Lillard) tires to distract him with his own romantic problems. A cast this pretty was meant to be looked at, but no amount of prettiness can disguise the picture's stupidity.--JC

Without a Paddle

1 1/2 stars (PG-13, 99 min.) Director Steven Brill's lamebrained, sub-Deliverance comedy-adventure about three city slickers (Seth Green, Matthew Lillard and Dax Shepard) getting lost in the woods. They encounter the usual scary suspects, including, scariest of all, Deliverance star Burt Reynolds trying to act from behind a bushy beard.--AA

Yu-Gi-Oh!

Zero stars (PG, 88 min.) In their kids' TV spinoff, director Ryusoke Takahashi and creator Kazuki Takahashi give us the tale of a boy obsessed with a card game that calls forth imaginative monsters. Teaches kids that good friends come in handy when you're about to be destroyed by an evil Egyptian omen. But I suspect even children are sophisticated enough to understand that a film should feel more alive than a trading card.--ADV

Reviews by: AA: Anthony Allison; ADV: Anthony Del Valle; JC: Jeannette Catsoulis; MP: Mike Prevatt; TM: Tammy McMahan