Off the Charts: Kenny Rogers

The Gambler bakes a mean batch of corn muffins, too

By Newt Briggs

You can learn a lot of shit from Kenny Rogers. First and foremost, there's Kenny's can't-miss tips on how to win at poker--advice he apparently gleaned off a thirsty wino on "a train bound for nowhere": "You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em/ Know when to walk away and know when to run/ You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table/ There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealing's done."

But the Gambler isn't a one-trick pony. He's a veritable redneck renaissance man, dispensing sage advice on everything from giving good love to cooking up some tasty-ass, secret recipe corn muffins. So just kick back and enjoy as he waxes prophetic on...

EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS: As far as Kenny's concerned, the secret to any covert sex-romp is to keep it on the down-low. And the only way to do that for certain is to be "daytime friends and nighttime lovers," "loving in the nighttime" but "shaking hands in the light of day."

JUMP-STARTING A STALLED CAREER: It may seem crazy, but there are times when music consumers simply will not buy another rehashed country-western tearjerker. During such lean periods, it's best to cover a hit pop song--preferably one by a nonthreatening African-American vocal stylist. In 1980, Kenny pilfered Lionel Richie's "Lady" and rode it to No. 1.

BOOBS AND RECORD SALES: After crossing over to pop, it's a good idea to come back with a strong country effort so as not to alienate your core fan base (which probably doesn't fancy all that newfangled ghetto music anyway). Better still is a duet with an established country starlet who happens to possess the ample bosom favored by Cannonball Run star Burt Reynolds. "Islands in the Stream," Kenny's 1983 duet with Dolly Parton, was one of the biggest hits of his career, spending two weeks at the top of both the country and pop charts.

MADE-FOR-TV MOVIES: The thing is, when you've got a hit, you've got to squeeze it until every last drop of spontaneity and artistic integrity has been drained from its lifeless core. As such, Kenny not only parlayed "The Gambler" into the 1980 made-for-TV movie of the same name, but into 1983's The Gambler: The Adventure Continues, 1987's The Gambler, Part III: The Legend Continues and 1991's The Gambler Returns: The Luck of the Draw.

CORN MUFFINS: Shhh! This is a secret recipe passed down from corporate headquarters to thousands of underpaid line cooks who work in more than 100 Kenny Rogers Roasters around the world, so try to keep it under your 10-gallon hat, cowboy. Ingredients: 1/2 cup butter, 2/3 cup Scherzer, 1/4 cup honey, 2 eggs, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, 3/4 cup yellow cornmeal, 1/2 teaspoon baking powder, 1/2 cup milk, 3/4 cup frozen yellow corn. Instructions: (1) Preheat oven to 400 degrees. (2) Cream together butter, sugar, honey, eggs, and salt in a large bowl. (3) Add flour, cornmeal, and baking powder and blend thoroughly. Add milk while mixing. (4) Add corn to mixture and combine by hand until corn is worked in. (5) Grease a 12-cup muffin pan and fill each cup with batter. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until muffins begin to turn brown on top. Makes 12 tasty-ass muffins.