CDVS: Steve Vai vs. Gheorghe Zamfir

What happens when a six-string samurai and a pan flute master engage in a knock-down, drag-out slugfest?

Muzak melee!

Watch out, because pitting rock guitar god Steve Vai against Romanian pan flutist Gheorghe Zamfir is sure to ignite pyrotechnics that will singe the short hairs on even the most experienced elevator rider. As these two instrumentalists go head to head, we're talking minor aural discomfort as you stroll through JC Penney.

Playing for Frank Zappa, Alcatrazz, David Lee Roth and Whitesnake, Vai has earned a place in the rock guitar pantheon. But his prowess with a pick doesn't necessarily translate into compelling music when he alone is crafting and producing the songs. Rather, as is evidenced by his new solo album, the guitar theatrics lose their effect amid marginal movie soundtrack orchestration.

Real Illusions: Reflections is, essentially, 11 tracks of largely forgettable prog-rock compositions used as a backdrop for Vai to tickle his frets endlessly. He employs an array of techniques to draw fresh sounds from his guitar, but he fails to elicit more than cursory attention from the listener. Vai's light-speed digressions serve only to remind that the simplest rock 'n' roll riffs often are the most memorable.

Worse, Vai sings! On a few tracks, anyway. The problem isn't his voice, which is passable, but there isn't a memorable line or chorus to be found, and the lyrics sometimes don't seem to have much connection to the music going on behind them. Now you know why you don't hear Kenny G belting out ballads. Obviously there is an audience for Vai's albums or else he wouldn't have a multi-album contract with Epic Records. But Real Illusions is really nothing more than overwrought elevator music.

Zamfir, on the other hand, knows a thing or two about delivering an instrumental punch. Whether he's interpreting classical tunes, Romanian folk songs or Billy Joel's "Just the Way You Are," Zamfir accomplishes his modest goal of soothing the hearts and minds of millions of fans around the world. The good vibrations he creates with a crude bamboo instrument do not aspire, as does Vai, to "boundary smashing" or "pushing rock music to its limits." Zamfir knows his place: hawking easy-listening records on late-night TV. Operators are standing by.--Geoff Schumacher

Undeterred? Steve Vai plays April 28 at the House of Blues.