Knappster: Water officials: No worries about sewage spilling into drinking supply

By George Knapp

Drink up, everybody. Slurp it up and chug it down. I'm talking about that delicious and pristine Lake Mead water that flows out of your pipes and into your homes. Water doesn't get any better than this.

If you don't believe me, just ask those local water officials, who always see the world through rose-colored glasses and for whom no contaminant is too foul to prevent a reassuring press release.

Now, maybe you were just a wee bit concerned when you read that recent flooding in Southern Nevada had caused a rupture that is sending 1.5 million gallons of sewage per day into the Virgin River, which spills into Lake Mead. As it turns out, 1.5 million gallons per day of filthy, bacteria-laden, disease-ridden sewage isn't such a big deal after all. A spokesman for the Water Authority has assured us that such a miniscule amount will simply "dissipate" before it ever gets to the lake (which, of course, is the source of pretty much every drop of water that enters your home). And even if it doesn't dissipate, the spokesman tells us, it will probably just drop down to the bottom of the lake and stay there, or be further diluted by the vastness of the lake itself.

Whew, what a relief.

See, I was worried that 12 million gallons of sewage (1.5 million gallons times eight days) might actually be considered a LOT of floating crap. Now, I realize this is but a drop in a very large bucket. A truly foul drop, but a drop nonetheless. I should have known from previous statements by water officials that nothing in the world can possibly compromise the quality of that excellent water that we all love so much. We know this to be true because of all the extensive monitoring and testing that goes on every day.

Of course, all that monitoring failed for many years to detect the presence of ammonium perchlorate in our drinking water. It took a team of scientists from California to figure out that the perchlorate found in their own water and in their lettuce was really from right here. Imagine the surprise of red-faced local officials when they found out. You could have knocked them over with a feather.

Ammonium perchlorate is a key ingredient in rocket fuel. Scientists have been debating for the past few years what level of perchlorate is safe to consume. No one is really sure. However, our water officials were quick to tell us a few years ago that there is no danger from drinking our fill of Lake Mead water, even though it has some of the highest concentrations of perchlorate in the country. And just days ago, a new federal study backed up this contention by suggesting the perchlorate standard can be set much higher than it is now. (This study, if it stands, would get the Department of Defense off the hook for potentially billions of dollars in cleanup costs, but don't pay any attention to that.) Look, if the federal government says it's safe for your family to drink rocket fuel, you shouldn't ask too many questions.

And just because the carp in Lake Mead have been tranformed into hermaphrodites shouldn't mean you need to worry about bathing your kids in the same water. The next time you are downing a tall glass of yummy Lake Mead tap water, and you happen to notice a few unidentified particles floating around in the glass, don't even think about that 12 million gallons of sewage. After all, it has surely dissipated by now.

Magical monorail numbers

Executives of the troubled Las Vegas Monorail were downright giddy over the performance of the train during this month's Consumer Electronic Show. A press release proudly boasted of how the monorail had carried a whopping 150,000 passengers over the four days of CES, with nary a gearbox or drive shaft bonking someone on the head. While we're all happy that the train has ceased its nasty habit of dropping errant parts onto unsuspecting sidewalks, those passenger numbers don't seem like anything to get excited about. So the monorail averaged about 37,500 passengers during the four days of CES, eh? Didn't they tell us in the beginning that 40,000 passengers per day would be the break-even point for the train? So the monorail drew less than its break-even point during one of the biggest conventions of the year, and we're all supposed to stop the presses and throw a party?

No fires after 5 p.m.

Continuing with our theme of goofy press releases, a truly irate statement was sent out this week by the Las Vegas Fire Department. The release admonished media outlets for daring to call the Fire Alarm Office to get information about fire incidents in the city. "THIS IS NOT PERMITTED," the all-caps, bitch-slapping release declared. If you are wondering why local reporters would call the Fire Alarm Office in the first place, maybe it has something to do with the policy enunciated elsewhere in the release.

"The PIO (Public Information Office) is not open 24 hours either," the release emphasized in bold lettering. It noted that requests for information can be made during the hours of 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday-Friday, but that the PIO is off duty after that. Fortunately, fires have never been known to break out after 5 or on weekends, so this policy works out pretty well. Pesky reporters who want information about gigantic blazes that erupt in the city during off-duty hours can just by-God wait until the PIO opens for business.

Names, faces, places

The producers of the hit TV series "Cops" are reportedly scrambling to remove all video of Metro Officer George Godfrey from their show tapes. Godfrey is the vice cop who was suspended after being accused of trying to seduce a 14-year-old prostitution suspect. Informed sources say Godfrey has already appeared on previous episodes of the program but that he will now be edited out of future airings. ... The fact that Sheriff Bill Young made himself available to talk to reporters about the Godfrey matter demonstrates again that Young is a standup guy who does not duck tough questions or situations. A lot of other officials would have taken a powder in a similar position. ... It took less than 24 hours for one of my 2005 predictions to bite the dust. Sandy Shaw will not be released from prison this year, or next. (I should have based on the prediction on what SHOULD happen, rather than what will.) However, one of my other predictions is about to come to pass. There has been no formal announcement--and other media are trying to ignore the story--but a Mount Charleston summit meeting is slated to take place in late February to discuss the many challenges facing the mountain. Sen. Harry Reid is leading the charge, working with County Commissioner Chip Maxfield and a host of agencies, and with a strong push from the Mercury. More to come on this, obviously. ... You've heard the stories about the animals in Asia who seemingly sensed the impending tsunami? In the same vein, the horses used for sleigh rides on Mount Charleston reportedly refused to make the short trip to the campground area on the day of the recent avalanche. Did they know that something was coming? ... If you're a fan of the "CSI" series on TV, or ever had an interest in working as a private eye, check out two courses that will be offered soon at the community college. Digital Crime Investigation and Advanced Computer Forensics are being taught by former Metro computer crimes whiz Tom Keller and current Metro investigator Larry Smith. A knowledge of computers is preferrred but anyone can sign up. Classes start Jan. 24, so the clock is running. ... The L.A. Times Book Review section will feature a complimentary cover review this Sunday of Sun Sin & Suburbia, written by the Merc's own Geoff Schumacher. That should sell a few copies. ... Show producer Adam Gentile, whose male dance revue has been featured at the Seven nightclub, is reportedly in negotiations with a major hotel property, and is also said to be talking to a potential hostess for a new version of the show. The hostess is a name you might recognize if you are familiar with adult entertainment.