Girl Gone Wild: The juggler of lies

By Loki Ferris

"What up, playa?"

"I'm not a player," I insisted as I chased huge guilt down with my merlot, knowing I was pretty much lying through my wine-stained teeth. I said it and immediately I felt bad. It must have shown. I had to ask myself at that point what kind of world I was living in, thinking that my inconsistent affections were going unnoticed.

It's been a workable formula up until now. I have had my share of juggling, which can be very difficult at times, especially if you're just not comfortable about lying, but what else is a woman to do when her dating time must be split? You can't tell Jim you're going out to dinner with John, then go out to dinner with John and tell him that you have to run out of the restaurant to meet Jake for drinks, all the while talking on your cell to Jared, who just refuses to leave you alone. This haphazard juggling has been causing me grief with this damned conscience of mine. Jake finally fell out of the running because I can't date a guy who smells like my dad, no matter what his attributes. Jared is only stimulating when talking about his business. That leaves me with Jim and John. John is aggravated because my attention is not focused entirely on him....because of Jim.

Pretty soon an early day for work doesn't cut it as an excuse for not staying out late, especially if they know your days off. Eventually Jim, John, etc., can read the logic behind my hurried and breezy lifestyle. Eventually I must answer why I won't stay the night or meet their relatives who come to visit. Eventually, all the juggling balls fall out of your grasp because you can't focus on the best one. Just like our own Sin City motto, you have to pay to play, and it seems I've been paying for it. I am not ready to settle down, but I pride myself on not half-assing anything, and as of late that's exactly what I'm guilty of.

I asked one of my closest guy friends, Edmond, about his juggling situation, and if it bothers him that he has to lie to his three women.

"I see it as doing them a favor. They don't want to know." I agreed with him that it's okay if it's something that's agreed upon in the relationship. But for me, knowing I just lied to someone who I'm supposed to care about makes me feel like a piece of shit. Is this what men go through when they lie to women?

"It gets easier, the lying. If you remember the golden rule: What they don't know won't hurt them," Edmond says, smiling. All this from the man I agreed I'd marry if I was still single by the time I was 40. I used to think we were so much alike. But we're not. He's been juggling the whole time I've known him.

When I first met him, he had an official "girlfriend" and some on the side. I thought, I can do that! I condemned the girlfriend--for surely she had to know something was up. But what if she only knew what he told her? What if she had so much trust and faith in her man she would never have a reason to doubt? I don't want to be the person who fails in the eyes of trust and loyalty. It's a horrible thing when the one you love loses all respect for you because you cannot be trusted. It's a horrible thing when you have become a LIAR. I've been on both ends of the lying game now. I've been lied to to my face and it hurts so much more than being told the truth. But in the end, there is a respect due for having the balls to tell the truth no matter what the consequences.

I complained about the vagaries of my dating agenda to my friend Charles, as he could tell it was clouding my mind. Tired of hearing about my self-loathing, he rubbed his face in frustration (like my brother Pauly does when he can't figure his sister out) and told me in proper old-school fashion: "If it feels like it's bad for you and to the other person, or you feel guilty, THEN DON'T DO IT!"

Not only is that the best advice I've received in a long time, but it is the truth.

Send your questions and comments to loki@lasvegasmercury.com.